I'm Not A Puzzle You Would Want To Solve
by AlucardLovesSteakCakes
Summary: In a world of Alphas and Omegas, Munakata Reisi, an Alpha, attempts to court Saruhiko Fushimi, an Omega, for his mate. He had always fancied the younger man, and loved him for all his flaws. However, it never occurred to him Saruhiko might already be taken. K!Omegaverse
1. Chapter 1

I am grieved by the lack of K!Omegaverse fics on the internet, so I am proud to be the first! Be warned, this will not be a terribly explicit fanfiction-so if you came to this for copious amounts of penis and sperm in a PWP fic so you could masturbate at four in the morning while your parents sleep next door, ladies go somewhere else because in this fic there will be mostly angst and hurt/comfort. And more than implied, vaguely explained, sex.

Be nice, I haven't written about this stuff before-because I'd rather write about horror and death than sex anyday.

But that's what **Dinner With A Spider** and** A Game of Jacks** is for.

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It was obvious to anyone with half a brain that Reisi Munakata, the Blue King, was an Alpha. In a world where being an Alpha or being an Omega did not have an impact on your career paths or social rank, it was still an unspoken understanding that a King would always be an Alpha. Adolph K. Weissman had left it in his notes for the Gold King to read: that one of the qualification for being a King, according to the constant preferences of the Dresden Slate, was being an Alpha.

And it made perfect sense.

Alphas were stronger and the dominant ones, though they fell prey to their instincts at the scent of the pheromones of an Omega in heat-though suppressants could be taken and often were. In the past, hundreds of years ago before the Great Revolution, Alpha's were the heads of society. They had the rank and the power, their word was law and Omegas, weaker by nature, were treated like the slaves and the scum of society. If their heat came they were taken by the nearest Alpha in the area, regardless of consent, even in public, and it wasn't considered rape.

Now, in the present day, the law was always on the Omega's side-and since heat suppressants were created half a century ago, rape cases were few and far in between. The cases that were most common in court were the Bonding Bites. A Bonding Bite was given by an Alpha to an Omega during the latter's heat, and bound the Omega to the Alpha by their very soul.

The problem was, an Alpha could have multiple Omega mates, but an Omega could only have one Alpha counterpart. It was the equivalence of divorce, an angry Omega would drag their unfaithful Alpha to court and demand to have the Bonding Bite removed from them through Severance-an incredibly painful procedure involving Soul Ripping. It was unpleasant, to be sure, almost cruel in it's practice, but Omegas were faithful by nature and when they discovered their Alpha had another, they would experience intense pain through their link for the break of loyalty.

Back to Munakata.

Alphas could be male or female, and Omegas the same-and the ratio of male and female of both was around the same. However, pups born from a male Omega were always the strongest and healthiest, and it was said that male Omegas were the best mothers and mates to have.

And Saruhiko Fushimi, Munakata's third in command, was a male Omega.

Now Munakata wasn't thinking of courting Fushimi just because he was a male omega that would give him healthy children, he was genuinely in love with the kyanite-eyed male. He was five years older than the other, but that was no issue-his mother had been a whole decade younger than his father.

He loved the way the other seemed to be related to a cat, the way he was so stubborn and clicked his tongue when he was annoyed. He loved how the boy had walls higher than anyone else, but was so obvious in his intent to gain Yata Misaki's attention and didn't really join Scepter4 to be stronger. He loved how smart Saruhiko was, but how unmotivated and bored he seemed until he saw Misaki. Munakata wouldn't lie, he had been jealous when he saw Saruhiko bright up at the sight of Misaki for the first time, until he caught the undeniable scent of an omega from the ginger haired clansman.

He wanted the boy for his mate, he had been interested in the lad since he joined Scepter4 three years ago and now he finally mustered up enough courage to to attempt to court him.

So he started with coffee.

He made it just the way the younger liked it, black with two sugars, and left it on the others desk before he came in to work in the morning. It was his own mug, so the other would know who left it, and he gained much pleasure from watching Saruhiko stare at the mug in front of his computer with a blush creeping up the back of his neck.

Saruhiko was truly adorable.

He did that for a whole week, and Saruhiko didn't say a word to him nor did he act any different around him as usual. He still complained about his work load, was still dragged into his office by the collar by Awashima for fighting with Yata, and he still acted like the world was monochrome.

This was something Reishi expected.

What he didn't expect was the murder of Tatara Totsuka.

It was a well known fact that Tostsuka was the weakest member of Homra, but also it's core. Not only because he was kind and cheerful and a charismatic person.

He was Mikoto Suoh, the Red King's, mate.

And now he was dead.

The following month was confusing and soul-draining. The murder suspect was the new Colorless King, who turned out to be a student who was in coherts with the Black Dog and a memory strain, who then turned out to be the framed Silver King and the Colorless King was a body swapping male whose real idenity was never found.

He expected that in the end he would have to be the one to kill Suoh, and that the other would come to him willingly for it. He knew how much the other loved his omega, and his sword had begun reaching his limits even before the others death. While in his cell he confessed that he was going to step down that month, but now that Totsuka was dead he didn't see a point to continue living. Reisi wanted to tell him that he still had people who looked up to him and needed his guidance, that it wasn't what Totsuka would have wanted, but he knew in his heart of hearts that it was a useless cause and kept his mouth shut.

Totsuka and Mikoto were Soul Bonded, not only by a Bonding Bite but by love as well, and when one died the other usually followed. Reisi knew this fact well, but it didn't make it any easier to have Mikoto die in his arms. They had been classmates in high school, had grown up on the same block until Munakata moved to elementary and middle school in the city.

They had been something that was not quite friends.

He left the scene of the death of three kings, though he didn't think that the Silver King would stay dead for long, and went home immediately. He ignored his subordinates worried looks and the cheering of the remnants of Homra as the red lights of their king's power drifted in the winter wind. He didn't even bother to look around to Saruhiko, because he was sure that the other was with his old ex-friend in some way.

He hadn't expected to find him standing in his living room waiting for him, and he most definitely hadn't expected the other to be holding out his right arm-devoid of wrist band-with a Bonding Bite marring his pale skin for all the world to see.

Reisi let the wind blow the door shut behind him, his heart in his throat.

"Fushi-"

"My mate died tonight...did you kill him?"

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UPDATING AT:** 5 Reviews  
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	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for all the reviews! So sweet of all of you.

**!Warning!**: Triggers for some in this chapter (and the rest) so tread lightly

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He took an scorching hot shower early in the morning, finally having the apartment to himself and desperate to scald himself clean of the memories of the night before.

_"My mate died tonight...did you kill him?"_

_Saruhiko's voice was didn't waver as he spoke, and it caught Munakata's attention-despite his sudden wave of grief. He could see the Bonding Bite's white scar beginning to fade back into pale skin, proof that Saruhiko's mate was truly dead. An Omega mates for life unless the Alpha dies or the pair preforms Severance. When an Alpha died it's mate usually lost it's mind with grief, it was the same for the Alpha-he could still remember the dead look in Suoh's eyes the last few weeks._

_Even though his mind was reeling, and his heart felt like it would burst, he thought about the others words. He had only killed Suoh Mikoto, the only person he had ever killed, could it have been possible that he was Fushimi's Alpha? Technically it was possible, since an Alpha can have more than one Omega but not the other way around, but still Munakata had a hard time believing that Suoh would have marked anyone other than Totsuka._

_Saruhiko spoke again, "I felt it..." He said, dropping his arm to his side, his finger lightly curling into fists, "I felt it when he died..." Reishi wasn't surprise to see tears spilling down the younger male's face, but he was surprised to see the smile he wore. Saruhiko lifted his head, a real smile that was all too rare on his face, tears slipping down alabaster skin._

_"I'm was damn happy I almost started crying there in the road...it was before Mikoto-san died, when he made that huge red blast...I was so fucking happy Captain...so happy..."_

_Munakata was helpless as Saruhiko broke down in front of him, running forward to bury his face in his elder's shirt, trembling violently as he sobbed. Inside his head the cogs were turning slowly- _It couldn't be the Silver King because he hadn't come down from his blimp in more than half a century...the Colorless King? _There was only one good reason why Saruhiko would be happy that his mate had died, and that reason struck Reisi like a ton of bricks. __  
_

_He wrapped his arms around the younger and gently led him to the couch, forcing himself to ignore the delicious smell of the others skin. He sat down and let Saruhiko stay in his lap, legs straddling him as he continued to cry heavily in his now wet shirt. He didn't care though, and just stroked the raven's hair as he made wordless noises to soothe him. Saruhiko didn't need to elaborate, he was an expert in solving puzzles, and a part of him wished he'd never known.  
_

_Rape was truly such a horrible thing._

He took the week off of work, knowing that no one would object. They all thought to give him space, to let him get over the Red King's death. He was thankful for the reprieve, because he needed to mourn Suoh, but because he also had a new problem at hand. Saruhiko had not left his apartment yet, he saw when he stepped out of the bathroom fully dressed in a crisp blue yukata.

He had given his subordinate his bed to sleep in and took the couch himself, after Saruhiko cried himself to sleep in his arms. He padded over to the queen sized bed, and wished he could appreciate how innocent Saruhiko looked when he was asleep. His glasses were on the bedside table, his lashes so long, his lips slightly parted- he looked his age for once. But looking at him felt wrong somehow, knowing the truth, and Reisi left the room quickly to make them breakfast.

While made them both omelets with red peppers, he mulled over what he had learned. _So Saruhiko had an Alpha, the Colorless King-whoever that may be, that obviously resulted from rape. _It was rare, but it happened, that an Omega was caught during his/her heat and because they were almost irresistible it always resulted in copulation. Omega were always 100% fertile during their heats, so children always came from it.

The Alpha used to always take custody of the kids, because they could, leaving the Omegas with nothing. Recent laws helped with the latter, but Bonding Bites were very rare in rape. To create a Bonding Bite it had to be during an Omega's heat, and the Alpha was usually too lost in pleasure and had an idea that what they were doing was wrong so they refrained from biting.

But sometimes the Alpha meant to rape the Omega, and bit them for whatever fucked up reason they had. It was rare, but it happened.

So where were Saruhiko's pups? Had the Colorless King taken them, or had Saruhiko had a miscarriage? He hoped it was the former. Omegas never had abortions willingly, it was against their nature, and the same went for putting the pups up for adoption. Miscarriages were just as bad as abortions, because the Omega could feel their pups die inside them, and spiraled into depression and were never the same person afterwards. Compared to that, forcibly separating mother and child seemed almost kind.

"Captain what are you making?"

And now to face the biggest problem of all.

Reisi steeled his nerves and turned around to greet the other smiling. Fushimi really was adorable, standing in the doorway to his bedroom with his white flannel shirt hanging off one shoulder, exposing the scar that remained of the lost Homra insignia, and his boxers. He'd helped the other out of his jacket before he put him to bed, but he must have wriggled out of his pants in his sleep on his own.

Fushimi fixed his glassed with a hand, frowning at his expression, "What's wrong?"

He couldn't blame the other for not noticing immediately, but by now it must have been obvious.

"Ah, Fushimi-kun..." he tried to find the right words, all the while his hands tightly gripped the counter behind him.

"You are going into heat, Fushimi-kun..."

He watched sadly as the boy's eyes widened in horror, blood draining from his face, and it didn't surprise him when the other turned tail and fled back into the bedroom and locked the door immediately. He sighed and called loudly, not trusting himself to go closer to the sweet smelling doorway, "I'll call Awashima to bring over some suppressants so you can stop it early, okay?" There was a long pause, in which Reisi mulled over the various ways he could disinfect his bedroom from the horribly arousing smell. He'd picked a yukata for a reason.

"...I haven't gone into heat in so long I'd forgotten what it felt like...I'm sorry Captain for being such a bother...and I was already on suppressants..." came the muffled response, so softly he had to strain his ears to hear it. He shushed the boy gently, "It's alright Fushimi-kun, you are not bother at all, and it's normal for medications to be rendered obsolete when one's mate dies, because their biological functions are reset." He didn't want to think how long it had been since the boy's last heat, since he started suppressants after his attack.

Not even thirty years ago it was still customary that after an Omega's first heat on their thirteenth year they were sold to the highest paying suitor, now it was labeled pedophilia. Had Saruhiko been taken on his first heat? Had he really been so broken at such a young age? Reisi shuddered to think about it. Reisi scooped the two omelets onto separate plates and put a covering on Saruhiko's for later.

Saruhiko's voice was high pitch with sudden terror, "..._All_ medications?"

Reisi didn't like the foreboding feeling he suddenly felt, "What's wrong? Do you need me to tell her to get you something else as well?"

There were small gasping noises, and it took him longer than it should have to realize the younger male was hyperventilating. He dropped the plates on the counter and hurried over to the closed door, forcing himself to once again block the others scent from his clouding his mind. "Saruhiko?" he asked worriedly, placing an ear to the door, "Saruhiko you need to calm down and tell me what's wrong!"

The noises of rapid breathing didn't cease, but the lock clicked. Reisi wasted no time in racing over to the cabinet over the kitchen sink to fetch the patches he kept in case of emergencies. He should have put one on earlier, when he smelled the scent of an Omega in proestrus on Fushimi when he put him to bed. He slapped on one of the beige colored patches on his upper arm and then slowed himself as he opened his bedroom.

The scent was not as overpowering as it would be when he reached estrus, but the patch was slowly taking effect and the mouth watering smell was slightly lessening from his senses. He found Fushimi curled up in his sheets in the fetal position. His chest heaved in rapid succession as he tried and failed to calm himself down, tears spilling down his face again, but this time not from relief.

He let out a small whimper when Reisi came to sit at the foot of the bed, scooting away from Reisi like he had the plague, and he tried to hid his face in the pillows as he struggled to breath better. The patch dulled the scent of the others preheat, but not of his fear.

It broke his heart to see the boy in such a frighten state, "Fushimi-kun I won't hurt you..." he tried to coo, reaching to tentatively rub the younger's bare ankle from where it stuck out from the protection of the white sheets. He jerked back his foot under the safe covers and let out a high pitch whine, and Reisi internally berated himself for going too far. He didn't want to seem like he was a threat, like he was trying to rape the poor boy, and he hated the whole situation immediately. But Saruhiko was not hyperventilating anymore, just crying, and somehow it was a worse sight to see.

"Saruhiko I texted Awashima earlier this morning and she'll be by any minute with suppressants for you, but if there's another medication she needs to go out and get you should tell me. I didn't tell her anything other than you were staying the night, went into heat and needed your medication, and she won't mind getting you anything else you need." He would leave himself, but he refused to leave Saruhiko alone. He wouldn't be in danger of losing himself as long as he wore the patch so he lifted his sleeve to show Saruhiko he would do no harm. When the younger saw the patch he stopped shaking, but he didn't stop crying.

"Please don't hate me," came the small whimper, "Don't hate me if I tell you...please..."

Reisi nodded, giving him a small smile, "I promise I could never hate you for anything, what do you need her to get for you?" Saruhiko sniffed, lifting his hands to his face to clear away the tears, and Reisi was happy to see the mark was completely gone.

"M-My medication is in my dorm, u-under my bed with things like my suppressants and aspirin..." He peaked out from between his fingers, and let out a whimper when he realized that that wouldn't be a specific enough answer for the Lieutenant.

"I-It's my Schizophrenia medication..."

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Well, g'night everyone!

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Next chapter will be uploaded at **10 reviews**


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for all the reviews! So sweet of all of you.

**!Warning!**: Triggers for some in this chapter (and the rest) so tread lightly

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It took Saruhiko until he was six to realize he saw the world a little differently than other people. He just wanted the nice girl in pigtails to brush the giant purple caterpillar off her face. He didn't mean to make her cry, to get scolded by the teacher for "making up stories". But Saruhiko saw the caterpillar, even though one else seemed to see it...

His world was a colorful one filled with brightly colored creatures that no one else could see and the people with no faces who would talk to him. Nothing ever hurt him, nothing ever was scary to him-the creatures made him laugh and the faceless people were nice-they'd wait for him when he crossed the street and checked the closet for monsters. One of the Faceless, a woman with brown curly hair, would sing him a lullaby every night because his mother was always too busy. He called her Maria.

He had always just assumed that it was normal to live in a world where the grass was purple and the sky was yellow during the day and bright blue at night. During the day the clouds would turn into funny shapes and dance across the sky as they sang him songs, and the birds would tell him funny stories and the dogs would always complain about lazy cats. His life was happy, and he was happy, and things were fine.

When he was seven he learned that things weren't fine, at least not like he'd thought they were. When his parents argued and got too loud to play at home Maria would walk with him to the library so he could read, and that's where he realized he had something called Schizophrenia. That the things he saw weren't real, and that real life was boring compared to his colorful world of happiness and smiles. He accepted that he was sick, but he decided he didn't care and that he would continue on as he'd always had.

His parents always expected him to be better than everyone else, and he was already years ahead of his classmates. His mother kept him in the same grade to spare him the alienation of being thrown with older kids, but that was the only kindness she'd ever shown him. His parents were politicians and award winning scholars, and he was expected to grown up and be something great. He had to get perfect grades in every subject, and if he got anything less than absolutely perfect they locked him in the garage. But it was okay, because the wall would write on itself and his friends would appear and play games and tell him stories.

He was a bubbly, excited, and always smiling child who was shunned by his classmates for talking to the air and forced by his parents to become a self taught genius. His teachers never seemed to notice that whenever they taught he was whispering to the empty seat next to him and laughing quietly at unheard responses, so his parents never caught wind of his sickness. At least that was what Saruhiko thought, otherwise they pretended not to notice that their perfect boy wasn't so perfect after all.

When he was eleven he went with Maria to play at the beach, and she made a sandcastle taller than the highest building in Shizume city, and he'd laughed and rolled in the sand until a mother came over to ask why he was laughing when he was just sitting by himself. He brushed her off and continued to play with Maria, the mother eventually left-probably thinking he was too old for imaginary friends. The ocean was orange and the green sun smiled happily in a bright yellow sky.

And Saruhiko was happy.

On his thirteenth birthday, however, everything changed. Saruhiko knew how things worked, knew what Omegas and Alphas were, and always thought he'd be the former. He knew how sex worked, but he didn't know when exactly he'd get his first heat-because his mother was always too busy and his father would just wrinkle his nose and say that if Saruhiko turned out to be an Omega they would be gravely disappointed. Saruhiko didn't want to disappoint his parents, but he couldn't help be docile and kind-couldn't help that he watched mothers walk their kids to school and felt a wave of longing. It was just the way he was.

He came home from school on his thirteenth birthday feeling strange. His stomach was all twisted up in knots and it was hard to breath correctly. His colorful world was blending the shades, like a watercolor painting, and it hurt his eyes to look at. Maria fretted at his side worriedly when he sat down in a secluded alley way, cramps too painful to move anymore. He was aroused, too, which was weird in and of itself, and he could swear that the back of his pants were stained with something wet. It was a horrible feeling, a cloying atmosphere and melting colors that made him nauseous.

He suddenly smelled something heavenly, something amazing that turned his nerves to flames and made his mouth water. His vision was blurry, when did he lose his glasses, but he could see a vague shape of a person closing in around him. At first he thought it might have been Maria, but Maria was screaming something in the background, garbled from the roar of blood in his ears. The person was touching him suddenly, rough and wanting, but Saruhiko felt like he was on cloud nine. Every touch of skin on skin as the person pulled down his pants was like liquid fire, and he couldn't find it in himself to resist such heaven.

It was only when he found himself on his stomach on the cold alley floor did he find himself with a bit of clarity. Something was against his rear, something hard and unpleasant, and although his body loved the feeling his mind was suddenly in full blown panic. He had a vague idea of what was happening, that someone had found him during his heat, that he was indeed an Omega and he was about to be bred. His breath went out of his lungs when the Alpha pushed into him, when searing pain turned to overwhelming pleasure and his rationality went out the window.

Throughout the whole thing, as he was rutted like the bitch in heat he was, he couldn't stop the pleasurable noises from leaving his throat and the frustrated tears spilling down his face. Maria was a roar of sound, his world was melting like a popsicle left in the sun, and he couldn't tell what anything was anymore. He felt the Alpha start to swell inside him, and in his panic he swung his arm back intending to strike the man's face, but the man caught it and there was a blinding flash of euphoria as something happened to his wrist, and Saruhiko blacked out from the over-stimulation.

When he woke up he was in a land of oranges and red and greens and blues- all swirling and melding and without borders. He himself was just a swirling figure and the world didn't have up or down, and Saruhiko fell into the void once more.

Again he awoke, and this time the world had regained its shapes, but he hurt all over and he felt dirty and sick and was no longer in heat. Maria was at him side in an instant, petting his hair and cooing to him softly as she cried from eyes she didn't have. He made it home eventually, after the sky had turned bright blue as the sun left its perch, and his parents were a shrieking mess of sound and scolding. He was dizzy and incoherent, but he remembered his mother shrieking something about being a failure as a parent and his father was shouting at him to get a grip and stop shaking. He couldn't deal with it all and welcomed the embrace of darkness yet again.

Weeks passed and his life was turned upside down. His father stopped speaking to him entirely and his mother would avoid looking at him whenever possible. On the third week he vomited his cereal on the floor of the kitchen, and his father didn't even put down his newspaper and his mother continued to watch her soap on the television. Later she took him aside and handed him a small glass of something like milk, but it was dark blue and the cup kept screaming the word 'failure' over and over as his mother told him that he was pregnant and that they had to get rid of the baby for the sake of the honor of the family. He didn't want to kill his baby, didn't really understand what killing it meant, but he didn't want to disappoint his family even more.

Because Saruhiko was a good boy who did what he was told.

His mother said it would be uncomfortable, that it would feel unpleasant and he would be sad for a while but he would get over it soon enough. He brought it to his room after dinner and sat on the floor with Maria, who kept telling him he didn't have to drink it. He drank it anyway, because his parents told him too, and it tasted bitter and laughed at him as it slid down his throat.

As he lay in his bed Maria paced around the room and tugged at her hair, his abdomen hurt and he felt like throwing up-but he would be good so his parents would be happy. It was only when it was around three in the morning did it really get bad.

When the baby started screaming.

It was a horrible high pitched cry of an infant in distress, that rattled his windows and broke his heart. His breath left him and he couldn't even cry as the screaming child started to gurgle and choke on something, and the noise was so horrible he found himself mimicking his baby's screams of agony. He screamed and screamed until his baby was quiet and screamed some more until his parents came bursting into his room.

He recalled very little of the events afterwards, only that he was in pain and he had puked on himself and he felt an emptiness and loss that he had never felt before. His throat was raw from screaming and head hurt so bad he felt his eyes throb in agony. His parents rushed him to the doctors, who asked him what was wrong-and against his will he spilled everything.

He told about his world of colors and Maria and the screaming baby, about the hands that touched him and his clouds that sang.

His mother cried somewhere in the background that 'he was a failure as their child' and his father was nowhere in site. The doctor gave him something that dulled the pain and a bottle of green and yellow pills that made him scared for his colorful friends. His parents wouldn't take his pleading and at home they forced the pills down his throat, all the while shouting that he wouldn't disgrace the family and that he would get better whether he liked it or not.

He didn't get better.

He remembered the book he read so long ago, the book that said schizophrenia didn't have a cure, and wished he could turn back time. Even before he took the first pill, on the way to the doctor's, his world was already beginning to change. His magical creatures melted on the street as they sped by, the light blue sky turned a sickening dark gray, and the moon turned from pink to black. Maria was nowhere to be found, none of his friends were, and he was left along in his new world surrounded by monochrome sky and a depression he didn't know he could feel. The pills took away his energy, made things boring and plain, and left him with no life in him at all. The only thing they didn't do was stop him from seeing things.

It started when the imaginary crack in the mirror started to talk to him.

Whore, it called him, failure, it said, in a voice that sounded like Maria's. Cracks appeared everywhere, on the walls, on the street, on the sheets of his bed-all saying the things he felt but never said. They mocked him, scolded him, shrieked that he was a worthless slut, but Saruhiko didn't say anything to anyone about his changing world.

The worse crack of all was the one on his stomach.

You let me die, it would say, mommy why did you kill me, it would ask. Saruhiko named the voice Mariko, and made a small grave in the park with flowers and stones. Days and nights were indistinguishable to him, the sky was always gray and the sun or moon was always just a black hole of nothing. Years ticked by and Saruhiko found himself in highschool, bored with life and lazier than ever-but not because he wanted to be. He met a boy named Misaki Yata, an Omega like him, who reminded him of the energy he used to have. Misaki proclaimed themselves best friends after just one conversation, and Saruhiko found himself feeling hope for the first time in years.

When they were sixteen Saruhiko didn't take his medication for a while, flushing his pills down the toilet so his parents wouldn't find them. When he came to school the first time, happy and excited and friendly to everyone, Misaki pulled him aside and asked him what the hell was wrong with him and why he was acting so weird.

Saruhiko never flushed his pills again.

Afraid that Misaki would hate the real him, that he would lose his only friend again, he made sure he was always doped up and perfectly boring before he went to school. His father never spoke a word to him since he came home covered in body fluids that weren't all his, and his mother distanced herself to the point where he could no longer keep up the facade that they were a family at all.

When they were eighteen he left home with Misaki to join something called Homra, and his parents had not called him once since-instead they moved across Japan and left all his things in the driveway. He and Misaki bought an apartment together with the money they saved, and they lived like brothers. Homra, to Misaki, was the family he never had-his own parents drunken and abusive, but to Saruhiko all he was the potential he no longer possessed. All these kids with their smiles and their energy, with their laughter and their play-none of them had killed their child, had lost their colorful world.

He found himself losing Misaki bit by bit, as the other focused more on Homra than his old friend-and Saruhiko felt Maria's betrayal flushed anew. He burned Homra's tattoo from his skin and left Misaki with harsh words and false smirks, when inside he screamed and cried and Mariko's crack laughed at his pain. He joined Homra's rival, Scepter4, which was the Red Clan's opposite in every way. These people were organized and efficient in their work, and were the type of person that Saruhiko knew his parents had expected he'd become.

A year flew by in which he filled reports and led missions, bored with the world and everything in it. He would always be alone, and no one would ever love something as broken and fragile as him.

That's what he thought, until a coffee mug that wasn't his was set before his computer.

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Next chapter up at **15 reviews!**


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you, all my dutiful readers and subsequent reviewers, you guys totally rock my socks.

Next chapter up at: **25 reviews**

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Awashima came and left as quickly as she could, dropping the suppressants bottle in his hand and giving him a strange look. He knew what she was thinking, that he's sleeping with Saruhiko- because everyone knew the boy rarely left his dorm. Reisi thanked her kindly and she was off again, and he was thankful that she doesn't look at what the paper said until she was well down the hallway. He saw her stop in her tracks, and then kept going at a faster pace. He knew she won't tell anyone, it's a delicate and sensitive topic as it was, and there's a reason why she's his second in command.

Reisi brought Saruhiko a glass of water and the two bright red pills, and the boy lunged at them like a mad man. He swallowed them dry, then thought better of it and poured the water down after them. It's a sad thing to watch, to see someone dependent on pills to keep themselves from being assaulted, but it was what had to be done in their society. It would take no more than ten minutes for them to start working and end the poor boy's misery, and Reisi left and shut the door to give him his privacy.

He paced the dining room and adjoining kitchen, his hand over his mouth as he thought deeply. The facts kept being thrown at him, not only was Saruhiko previously mated to a man that had raped him, but now he was also schizophrenic. Reisi knew their were various levels and degrees of schizophrenia, and didn't know whether it was something like paranoid or something else. There were so many types, so many possibilities and severity, and for some reason knowing the boy was sick and suffering juts made him love him even more. How it was possible to fall in love with someone again just from a few facts he didn't know, only that it had happened and it was killing him.

Because there was a very good chance that Saruhiko did not and would not feel the same towards him.

He didn't expect him to, if he was honest with himself, because the boy had been too violated, too hurt, to possibly allow someone else into his heart. Even if he did, it wouldn't be the day after his old Alpha died, that would be preposterous. Still, he felt heartbreak at the thought of losing the raven to his own inner demons. Schizophrenia? Did the boy see shadows and things that weren't there? Did he talk to walls or think he was being constantly followed by someone? If he was mentally unstable perhaps it was unwise that he come in close quarters with the boy until Awashima came back with his medication.

This was, of course, thrown out the window the moment Saruhiko came padding out of his room. The boy was skittish and shy, fiddling with his hands and now properly dressed in the outfit from the night before, right down the wrist bands and jacket. His clothes were wrinkled and his hair a bit mussed, his cheeks were stained crimson and her avoided eye contact.

Yes, positively adorable.

He pulls out the boy's breakfast that he's reheated in the microwave, and place it on the table and beckon him to sit down as he seats himself. Saruhiko takes a seat on the furthest possible point on the circular table, across from him and leans over to pull the plate over to him. He doesn't say anything, just eats quietly while looking everywhere and anywhere other than him, so Reisi starts talking for him.

"Awashima's gone to get your other medication", he said, purposely avoiding using another other term. Saruhiko doesn't meet his gaze, but his jumpy eyes freeze somewhere off in the distance past Reisi's shoulder and something flashes through the boy's eyes that is something not unlike sadness. He nodded sadly and then the emotion left, and resumed eating and looking down at his plate like it was most interesting thing in with world. Reisi tries not to wonder what that was all about, if maybe Saruhiko was seeing something that wasn't there behind him.

When Saruhiko's finished eating the boy took it upon himself to pop the plate in the dishwasher, and then returned to the table to stare at his hands in his lap. Reisi wanted to ask questions, so many questions, but he was not a man known for his impatience, and kept himself silent. It paid off when Saruhiko started talking after a few solid minutes of total silence.

"I'd understand if you'd fire me for my mental disorder."

Reisi quickly schooled himself into a frown and folded his hands in front of his face as he leaned forward. "I see no reason to do such a thing, as you seem perfectly capable. My knowledge of your condition does not mean I should fire you." Saruhiko visibly slumped in relief, and Reisi allowed himself a sad smile-until the next words came out of Saruhiko's mouth.

"They don't even work, those pills." His voice cracked and his head was lowered, and Reisi was afraid the boy might start crying again. When Saruhiko lifted his head to look at him, though, he was just smiling sadly. "Schizophrenia doesn't have a cure- no matter how much medication they throw at you it doesn't help you at all."

Reisi nodded, vaguely remembering hearing such things from a passing conversation from one of his other subordinates. "What does the medicine do, if not help you?" he asked, leaning back in his chair. Saruhiko didn't answer right away, instead he ran his fingers over an unseen line in the table. He smiled sadly at the line his fingers followed, "The pills screw with my energy, and my personality is lost in a monochrome sky."

The words are poetically tragic, and Reisi is too shocked to think what he meant by his word choice. It would make sense then, why the boy seemed so lethargic and unwilling to do things all the time- Reisi had attributed it to the boy just being lazy, but it seemed that wasn't the case.

"What do you mean your personality is lost in a monochrome sky?" he asked. Saruhiko frowned, flattening his hand on the table and running it along the imaginary line again, a diagonal motion. He didn't respond for a moment, until he stilled his hand and said quietly, "You've been trying to court me for the past week, correct?"Reisi felt a chill run down his spine, and he wasn't sure it was a good sign. He nodded, and Saruhiko sighed, shaking his head so his hair fell behind his ear.

"Why?"

Reisi blinked at the question, lowering his hands into his lap, "Why what?" Saruhiko pouted in a way that made the older man's heart swoon, "Why are you trying to court me?" Saruhiko went back to looking forlorn, so Reisi started quickly, "Well I think you're brilliant; remarkably intelligent. I find you more interesting than anyone else, I find myself wanting to know more about you-and what I've learned in the last twenty-four hours has not deterred my affection for you in the slightest, it has had the opposite affect, actually."

Saruhiko was silent for a moment, in which he resumed his tracing of the invisible crack in the table. The doorbell rang and it was Awashima, who simply deposited the pill bottle in Reisi's hands and left in a hurry, making sure not to look into the apartment at all. Maybe he had done Saruhiko a disservice for letting Awashima know of his condition, perhaps she thought ill of him now, like he was diseased or contagious. Perhaps she felt pity.

The bottle was nothing special, Reisi decided as he rolled it in the palm of his hand. He set the bottle down on the table and watches Saruhiko stare at it blankly. "You don't have to take it if it doesn't help you." Reisi whispered, and Saruhiko laughs a humorless laugh.

"If I don't take it, you won't like my real personality. No one likes the real me."

"Shouldn't that be up to me to decide?"

Saruhiko stared at him hard, and then slumped in his chair. "If I stop taking it altogether it will make me sick, I have to ween off it or face the consequences, but only my doctor could prescribe that and there's no way he'd take me off the medication he _think _helps so much." Reisi nodded, "I'm the Blue King, in case you've forgotten, and the Kings are higher on the totem pool than the prime minister, convincing a doctor to lower pill dosage is child's play."

Saruhiko gives a small smile, a smile flash of teeth, an honest thing that sends Reisi's heart aflutter.

"It's a deal then, but if you don't like the new me I'm going back on the pills."

"It's a deal then."

* * *

Tada~


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you guys for your awesome reviews and being so patient with me!

Next chapter up at: **40 reviews**

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The next week, of which the entirety of Scepter4 had off, was spent by Reisi mourning in solitude for his fallen friend. Saruhiko had left left right after the plan was decided and he had made a phone call to the boy's doctor. Saruhiko was begrudgingly told by said doctor to cut the pills in half for the next week and he could stop taking them after the week was up. The boy seemed slightly intimidated at the prospect of going straight into work right off the pills, but Reisi gave him a reassuring smile and he delighted in watching the tension melt from the boy's eyes.

On that first day at work Reisi was met with sympathetic looks from his subordinates and a sad nod from his lieutenant. Saruhiko got to work late, which was not usual for him, but since usually Reisi was in his office when the other arrived he was never certain of the time. However, when Saruhiko entered the office that day the entire building knew he arrived.

Saruhiko walked through the open double doors of Scepter4's command center with a huge smile on his face-not one of sadistic pleasure but of undefiled joy. It alone was enough to cause everyone in the room to stop what they were doing, and for Akiyama to spill his hot coffee all over his keyboard and Awashima to choke on her's. His whole appearance had been altered more than slightly, with his burgundy wrist bands gone along with his glasses. The bangs that usually hung over his left eye were now pinned to the side with two light blue hair pins.

In the stillness of the room someone suddenly lost it and bolted for Reisi's office, which was why he was now standing in the entrance to the hallway trying desperately not to let his jaw drop. He had always found Saruhiko to be adorable, found him to be beautiful and cute-but this was just too much. The boy was like a freaking model he was so beautiful, and Reisi made a mental note to keep an eye on Akiyama when he saw the heavy blush the man wore.

He catches Awashima's eye and they share a silent understanding, and suddenly she's hitting her subordinates upside the head with a rolled up magazine. He finds it more than funny that she must assume they are a couple, but it also makes him rather sad. It was infuriating for him, to see Saruhiko and want him to be his but hold the knowledge that that might not happen.

He's new to the world of liking people, because he was more focused on school work while he was growing up than at the omegas who always seemed to adore him. This omega was different from them, he knew, and now it seemed that the Saruhiko he had fallen in love with was a fake-because the old Saruhiko would never wear something to open up his face, nor smile so happily.

Somehow it didn't bother him in the slightest.

He should go back to his office, he knew, but he wanted to watch the boy just a bit longer. He watched as Saruhiko's smile faltered for a moment when he saw that everyone was staring at him, but they he caught Reisi's eyes and the smile was back, and if that didn't send a flutter through Reisi's heart he didn't know what would. He turned when he saw that Saruhiko was headed to his desk, but not before he sent Awashaima a pointed look at Aikiyama.

Reisi spent the rest of the day filling out paperwork and working on a thousand piece puzzle of the Grand Canyon. The day went by slowly, and paperwork even more so, because he kept watching the surveillance videos on his computer screen. Because he kept watching the new Saruhiko Fushimi, no, the real Saruhiko Fushimi.

At noon Saruhiko went off patrol missions, and Reisi watched with an uncontrollable smile of pride as Saruhiko walked briskly around the screen in excitement. He watched and everyone around him was confused and whispered to each other, but focused on how happy and full of life Saruhiko looked and acted.

Earlier that day he witnessed Saruhiko being more sociable than he'd ever been before, chatting amiably to the others at the water cooler during break and smiling and laughing at their jokes. He talked with his hands now, and talked more than he seemed to listen. Some of the others caught on that this was a good thing and smiled back and acted like nothing was off, but others were more skeptical and avoided the strange new Saruhiko like he had the plague.

When Saruhiko came back from missions it was late in the day, the sun just starting to set, and many people were turning in their last reports and calling it a day. Reisi was working on the puzzle still, only half way finished, when Saruhiko knocked on his door. The boy was still smiling, Reisi noticed, but looked tired like he had been running all day. Saruhiko usually left the heavy lifting to others, and stood by and watched over the proceedings unless Yata Misaki was involved, but this time it seemed he'd been out and about the whole day in the field.

"How are you feeling Fushimi-kun?" he asked, and smiled when Saruhiko stiffened with a bright blush. He looked away and nibbled his lower lip, "I'm fine just a bit tired is all, I was chasing a dog strain through the sewers so I should go take a shower soon. He could make fire come out of his mouth, poor thing didn't understand what was happening and kept lighting trash on fire by accident."

Reisi smiled and motioned to the chair in front of his desk, "Why don't you take a seat then?" Saruhiko nodded a bit shyly and pulled out the chair and took a seat. He looked down at the puzzle his captain was working on and silently started to help. Reisi smiled as they completed the puzzle faster than if he had done it alone. When Saruhiko put in the last piece he frowned when he seemed to finally look at the picture as a whole.

Reisi looked at the others confused expression, "It's the Grand Canyon." Saruhiko nodded numbly, and traced the canyon with slim fingers. Once again Reisi found himself grateful for the clear expanse of skin on the boy's wrist, but the way Saruhiko traced the puzzle's surface like he had the table in his apartment made him worried.

"It's a crack." the boy said in a monotonous voice, and lifted his other hand to scratch at the scabbed remains of where the Homra tattoo used to be. Reisi found himself reaching across the table to pull the boy's hand from hurting himself further with his nails. He had already peeled back some of the scabbing, blood beading on the pale skin and dripping down like tears.

Saruhiko stopped tracing the puzzle as Reisi held one hand and cleaned his wound gently with a handkerchief he fished from a drawer in total silence. It wasn't a comfortable silence however, and Reisi noticed he was looking anywhere put at him with a guilty expression like a child being caught doing something they weren't supposed to be.

"Doesn't it hurt when you do that?" he asked, blotting the scrapes carefully. Saruhiko kept his eyes trained on Reisi's sword, mounted on the wall. "Not really..." he whispered, "...the words hurt more." Reisi raised a brow in confusion, but they were interrupted by a knock on the door. Reisi drew back and Saruhiko blushed and Awashima came in holding a stack of papers and looking at them curiously.

Saruhiko excused himself quickly and quietly, and then Reisi was left listening to Awashima reciting the day's events and a new stack of paperwork to be completed last minute. Then Awashima left with a bow and it would take him at least an hour to finish it all if he hurried, so he snatched his PDA up and quickly typed out what he'd been wanting to write for so long.

**To:** Fushimi Saruhiko

_I'll be finished in an hour, would you like to have dinner with me?_

It took less than four minutes for Saruhiko to reply.

**To:** Munakata Reisi

_I'd love to :)_

* * *

What a cutie-pie ending! Wah I love new real Saru dont' you?


	6. Chapter 6

SOooooooooooooooooooo sorry about the wait but if you go to my other story, A Game of Jacks, you'll see why I've been so freakin busy.

Awesome as always you guys, i love your reviews you guys are so sweet! Fans like you are great!

Next chapter up at: **60 reviews (faster reviewing=faster posting! :))  
**

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When Saruhiko was fourteen he discovered his love of cross-dressing. He stole the dress his mother had thrown in the trash that morning, the blue one that had become too small to wear. He locked himself in the bathroom, stripped of his school clothes and pulled it on. It was too big for him, but even though he was now a lazy and cynical boy, he couldn't help but smile in approval.

It wasn't that he wanted to dress like a girl, it was more that wearing boy's shirts felt too revealing-like at any minutes someone could pull up his shirt and see Mariko's Crack. It didn't matter that they wouldn't really be able to see it, that they wouldn't hear the small voice taunting him or see the tiny hand that sometimes would reach out and wave to get his attention. The crack was horizontal, and sometimes Saruhiko was afraid to look in the mirror, afraid that he would see his baby's face peaking out.

So the dress was just the beginning, and soon he began to enjoy wearing women's clothing for the feel and the look instead of the safety. He had started to live in an abandoned apartment in a complex near his parent's house. He told them about it but they didn't even spare him a look so he took it for what it was and moved his things in. He couldn't drag his mattress down the block though, so he rolled out a futon over the wood floor he had recently dusted.

Then he met Misaki.

The boy was a male Omega just like him, and just like him he came from parents who were decidedly pissed about that fact. His younger sister Moe was the same, a female Alpha that shamed her parents. Their wasn't really any true shame in it at all, but his parents were traditionalists. They had expected to have an Alpha for a son and an Omega for a daughter, and when it turned out to be the opposite they were devastated.

Frankly, they should have noticed the signs-while Misaki wasn't much of an Omega poster child, Moe had always been more Alpha than Omega from the start. She ran around town in Misaki's clothes, cut her hair short like a boy's and coveted her best friend Haruna, who later turned out to be an Omega, to the point where she beat up any older Alpha who looked at her funny. She was loud and rough and rude, used her fists to make a point and looked at makeup and dresses like they were drenched in lice. Her name, which literally meant 'cute', was everything further from the delicate little girl her parents had named her for.

When Misaki presented as an Omega it was more of a surprise. He loved sports and video games, boxers and baggy shirts, and like his little sisters like to punch people rather than work out a problem through words. The day his sister presented as an Alpha his parents kicked her out of the house, thankfully the thirteen year old girl was able to take up residence in Haruna's house. Misaki, already having presented two years earlier than her, when he was thirteen, was now fifteen and still under his parent's disapproving thumbs. When he met Saruhiko, however, he immediately took the chance to move in with the raven and his parents didn't put up much of a fight.

He moved in his things to Saruhiko's 'stolen' flat, and the added TV was great for their shared love of video games. Thankfully Misaki didn't care much at all that Saruhiko like to lounge around his house in a sweater and leggings, or that he slept in an oversize v-neck shirt and panties. It was a funny coincidence, because the boy blushed around girls despite not being attracted to them, but didn't care that he would sometimes walk with him around town in a skirt and lace blouse. Saruhiko had become a master in walking in heels, though he preferred ballet flats so he could run in them.

He stopped wearing dresses and skirts outside when they joined Homra when they were seventeen, because there was something about being around all those Alphas and wearing girly clothes and being an Omega that struck fear into his heart. It wasn't that he thought they would take advantage of him, and it wasn't like there weren't other Omegas there. There was Totsuka, Eric, Dewa, Shouhei, and Anna too. It was comforting, being around other male Omegas, but the others...the Alphas scared him...but Mikoto scared him the most. There was something about him, the way he looked at you or his power, there was something that reminded him of his mate. The thought of his nameless, faceless mate made his heart hurt and Mariko's Crack to laugh at his pain.

Back at their apartment, Misaki and Saruhiko found an equilibrium, had found a peace in each other. Homra was starting to take up more of Misaki's attention than he would have liked, but everything would be fine. As long as Misaki never knew about the pills under his bed they would be fine.

They would be fine.

* * *

Saruhiko waited for Munakata to finish his work but then had an idea and texted him quickly.

**To:** Munakata Reisi

_Let me run to my dorm and change into something appropriate, want to meet at the restaurant in an hour? _

He bit his lip when it took more than three seconds for his superior to reply, but when he did he broke out into a smile and a light blush.

**To:** Saruhiko Fushimi

_Sure thing, how about Giordano's?  
_

Giordano's was one of the most expensive Italian restaurants in town, and the thought of his captain willing to spend so much on him, when they weren't even dating, not really, it struck a cord in him.

**To:** Munakata Reisi

_Only if we can go dutch_

He received a smile emoticon as a response and mimicked it as he quickly raced to his dorm at the Blue Clan Barracks. He tore open his closet door in a flurry its contents were all over his bedroom. He paused to pull his blinds closed and flip on his light switch, and then quickly sorted out his dresses onto his bed and slid everything else on the floor. He grabbed his knee-high blue dress, the one with dark blue sequins, and held it up against him and made a face and then threw it to the floor. He tried the other six dresses and hated them all-they weren't right for tonight...whatever tonight was.

He had to catch himself and look at himself, really look, in the mirror. He looked like a completely different person than he'd been most of his life. His face was flushed with an excited blush, and his cheek bones looked more delicate than usual. He really looked feminine, he thought, and decided in the end on a long white skirt and a light blue satin blouse with a dark blue sash at the pulled on a pair of black heels and pulled on a dark blue cardigan that matched his sash.

Then he fled to the bathroom to put on mascara, light blue eye shadow, and a light pink shade of lipstick. To finish it off he put on a nice pearl necklace with matching earrings, thankful that he had made the decision to pierce his ears when he joined Scepter4. He grabbed a small black purse and threw his things into it, sprayed on some light perfume and then dashed out the door, only to run back inside and change in black flats to move better in.

He flagged a cab and was silent the whole drive to Giordano's. His heart was racing in his chest and kept looking in the driver's mirror to see if he was staring. He wasn't, never had been, and then Saruhiko became paranoid that perhaps he was ignoring him on purpose. He fretted until he smelled the scent of an omega and calmed. Shizume seemed to have a higher percentage of male Omegas than other cities in Japan, why he wasn't sure, but he liked that they weren't treated so strangely as in other countries. He knew that in China they were treated like whores, and in Russia like freaks. In Japan they were mostly treasure, because they produced the best offspring and were the best mothers, and not for the first time Saruhiko thanked the gods he was born in Japan.

The glowing red lights of the restaurant soon reached them, and Saruhiko thanked the driver and payed. Turning towards the restaurant he took a deep breath and prayed things would go well, that he hadn't made a mistake for dressing the way he liked and perhaps it wasn't appropriate to show such a tendency on the first date. Was this even a date? He thought it was, after all the Captain had shown a romantic interest in him even though he himself had never thought it possible. He didn't think anyone would ever be capable of loving him, the fake him or the real him. He had given up.

Perhaps he would be proven wrong.

He certainly hoped so.

* * *

Reisi considered himself a patient man, but he was begging to grow anxious. He had left work early and arrived at the restaurant earlier than he had said, but he couldn't help it-he was excited and nervous and happy all bundled in one. He wondered in Saruhiko felt the same way. Saruhiko was late, it was still rather early, but Reisi still succumbed to his doubts. What if he didn't really want to go on a date and had just run home and stayed there? What if someone tried to attack him on the way here? No, Saruhiko was always a capable soldier who could and had always taken care of himself-just because he knew now that he had been raped at some point in his life didn't mean that now all of a sudden things like that would start happening again. He was just worried. Just-

The waiter came over and offered to pour him some red wine which he graciously accepted. He had chosen to wear a blue satin dress shirt and a pair of black pants with matching shoes, something he found in his closet at work-saved for a time when he didn't have time to change at home. It was perfect for tonight, but then once again he was worried if Saruhiko would show.

He saw a women walk in and took a moment to let his eyes linger on her for a few moments. She looked a lot like the person he was waiting for, looking out like she was trying to find someone amongst the red clothed tables with kyanite eyes. The feminine face was a lot like Saruhiko's, as well as her raven hair that was pinned back by two blue pins.

...

The wine glass he had been holding slipped from his fingers, the goblet hitting the table and and tipping over onto the floor and crashing. The noise alerted Saruhiko's attention to him, and when he noticed him he suddenly looked very worried. The waiter came over and cleaned up the mess while he apologize profusely, and he was too preoccupied with making sure Saruhiko didn't leave to check his clothes for stains.

He had dropped the glass because he was surprised, because out of all the scenarios he had gone over in his head-his lovely male Omega dressing like a woman certainly hadn't been one of them. It was a common thing amongst male Omegas though, the opposite applied to female Alphas, and he was totally fine with it-excited at the prospect even-but surprised nonetheless.

He stood to go and meet his date, and was thankful that he in fact did not have stains. Saruhiko had turned to leave but when he saw him smiling and walking towards him he let his shoulders relax and gave a uneasy smile of his own.

"You look great." Reisi said sincerely, and was happy when Saruhiko blushed and smiled happily. He led Saruhiko over to a new table and the waiter go them set up again. Saruhiko still hadn't said anything and focused all his attention on his menu, as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. Reisi had always been good at reading body language, and it was obvious that Saruhiko was embarrassed and worried that Reisi wouldn't approve of the way he had dressed.

Reisi reached over the table to put a hand on the younger male's, and felt his heart sink when he saw the boy flinch. "It's fine." He said, knowing that was all he could say to speak everything he felt. Saruhiko's demeanor instantly changed from tense to relieved and he smiled happily with the bright look back into his eyes. "Sorry I took so long." Reisi just shook his head smiling, saying it was no problem at all and that he was actually early.

The makeup suited Saruhiko very well, the mascara only making his long lashes ever longer. Perhaps it was the Alpha in him, but the fact that Saruhiko had worn blue made him suddenly very protective. He tried to remind himself that it wasn't proof of ownership, but the Alpha in him disregarded reason completely and just said_ mine mine mine._

They both ordered salads, with Saruhiko getting a plate of salmon on the side for himself, and then they settled into conversation. He started by talking about himself, because he felt like asking the other about his past would be too much for the boy. He told him about how his mother was an astrophysicist and his father was a senator. Saruhiko nodded, and then their food came and the eye contact was lost. They ate while Reisi talked between bites and Saruhiko just nodded and listened, sometimes commenting but mostly staying silent and looking beautiful while doing it.

He talked about how his parents would take him to the zoo all the time, and when he asked if his parents ever took him he just asnwered, "They were too busy to take me to the zoo."

It bothered him, it really did, that whenever he asked about Saruhiko's family the boy just shrugged and said, "They were busy."

_Busy_, always busy.

"Did your parents drive you to school?"

"No, they were too busy."

"What did you used to do for your birthday."

"My parents were too busy to throw me a party."

"What were some things you like to do when you were younger."

"When my parents were busy I would hang out at the library or play at the beach."

"Didn't they ever come with you?"

"No, too busy."

He had access to Saruhiko's file, and he technically knew a lot about the boy's family and medical history-though nowhere it said anything about being mated or having pups or schizophrenia, which led him to believe that the Fushimi family was a proud one that wouldn't allow such things to come to light. Saruhiko's father was a high ranking politician and his mother was the head of the science department at an upstanding University-but surely they would be able to find time to be with their only child?

How would parents like Fushimi's react to something like rape? Surely they knew about it, which was why they had erased from the records, but how would they react? He had originally hoped they had been supportive, like his would have been had he turned out to be an Omega, but now he wasn't so sure. How busy could they have been, and with what, to have ignored their child so much? Though perhaps the biggest question was why ignore him at all?

Despite his personality going back to what it should have always been, the boy still had his wall up and locked tight. While spilled his life's story over Caesar salad and red wine, the boy barely allowed him a glimpse into his heart. Perhaps he wasn't as keen at the whole dating thing as he had imagined? Or maybe it was that he was frightened by the prospect of a potential mate, after all he had just gotten rid of the shackles that had held him down for so long. But could it be something else?

Dinner finished and Reisi felt he was barely any closer to knowing Saruhiko heart than he had been before. They left the restaurant in false happy chatter, Reisi strained and worried and Saruhiko clearly faking his smiles at that point. The air was chilly but Saruhiko denied the coat he offered, instead choosing to walk behind him to get out of the wind. They walked without a destination, smiles false, tension growing, until they found themselves on the bridge leading to the remains of Ashinaka High School.

The fragile atmosphere they've created crumbled when Saruhiko lets out a low growl and reached beneath the neck of his blouse to tear at his skin with his nails. Reisi's reaction is immediate, and suddenly Saruhiko is crowded back against the metal railing of the bridge, with Reisi holding his wrists tightly and his eyes are like blue flames.

"Why _exactly_ do you do that?" he didn't mean to make his words sound so harsh, his grip to be so tight, or his presence to seem so frightening, but he does anyway. Saruhiko shrinks away, layer upon layer of wall going up in defense but Reisi was fed up with them and tore them down by moving his hands to grip the boy's shoulders and shaking him violently. It was an accident, his adrenaline pumping and getting the best of his head, but still Saruhiko started to let out little whimpers and it took Reisi longer than it should to realize the boy was sobbing. Black tears made a mess down his face as his mascara ran, his long eye lashes clumping together as he cried, and Reisi felt overwhelming gilt and self loathing.

"I-I'm sorry, Saruhiko I-" but Saruhiko turned away, his hair hiding his face as he refused to let Reisi see him cry. He let go of the boy's shoulders and he slumped against the metal frame of the bridge post like a rag doll. Reisi felt guilt and didn't know what to do, he wasn't good at dealing with people crying because no one ever did so in front of him before, least alone the boy he loved so dearly.

"I just-" Saruhiko started, "It says such horrible things I just can't-" He moved so that his hair moved out of his face and Reisi could now see how big the boy's eyes had blown, wide and filled with unfettered fear. "No, I shouldn't tell you-you'll hate me and fire me and leave me and I just-" He let out a wine, one only an Omega would be capable of. The kind that sounds like it was made by a sad dog, something left over from their strange ancestral line. Only Omegas could make such perfect animal sounds, and they were almost always unintentional and instinctual.

Sounds made when the emotions mattered.

"You're the only one who's ever cared." he sobbed, "And if I lose you I don't what will happen to me! I'm already crazy!" He let out another whine, this one even more pitiful than the last. Reisi reached out and gently smoothed away the black lines of running mascara, smudging it but cleaning the boy's face nonetheless. He looked down at the boy's blouse and saw the blood that was soaking through the fabric in small patches.

"What says such horrible things, Saruhiko?" The boy looked up at him, seemingly in the amazement that Reisi was still there, still cared.

"The cracks." he choked out, his voice breaking as he tried not to cry again. Reisi knit his brows in confusion, and Saruhiko continued. "That's what I see...what my schizophrenia makes me see...cracks that say mean things...and the sky is always monochrome whether it's day or night..." his eyes flicked up to look at the sky momentarily, and Reisi couldn't help but look up as well. The sky was dark, black with night and sprinkled with stars.

He looked back at Saruhiko who's head was still tilted back as he continued to look up. His adam's apple bobbed visibly as he swallowed before speaking, "Right now the sky is gray, it's always gray, and the moon's black. The sun's black in the day time too and the sky is a bit light than it is now but tha's what I have. Everything else, things hit by sunlight and whatnot, everything else is normal colors..."

Reisi made a move to speak but Saruhiko tipped his head back down and continued to speak whilst looking at his ballet flats, "The colors weren't always so boring...the grass didn't used to be green and water didn't used to be blue...my world used to be beautiful...everything was beautiful...and I had friends then...they weren't real-I knew I was sick but that was the world I lived in so I didn't care but...they left me when Mariko did..."

"And then the cracks showed up and the sky went dark..." he whispered looking up Reisi with renewed tears, "There's a crack here," he took Reisi's hand from it's place on his shoulder and moved it to rest over his old Homra mark, "and the other one's here..." Reisi's hand was moved to the boy's abdomen. He let go of Reisi's hand and he let it fall back to his side, Reisi at a loss for words.

Saruhiko continued, "The crack over my heart uses Misaki's voice...tells me how much of a waste of space I am...how much of a useless and boring friend...that I deserved to be left...sometimes it's Maria's voice though...I hate it when it sounds like her the most..." Saruhiko broke off into a sob, "And then Mariko's Crack is the worst." His hand moved to subconsiously stroke his stomach, "I hate hearing her voice." he whimpered, "Because I love her so much but I'll never get to hold her or see her or tell her how much I wish she was here..." He broke down and that was the end of it, Reisi wasn't going to make the boy say anything else, after he had said so very much.

"C'mon" he whispered, draping his arm around the boy's waist and pulling him in the direction of the mainland, "Let's go to my apartment and get those wounds stitched, it's about time you cared for them properly."

So he led the boy to his apartment, unaware of the consequences that would follow.

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**PS**: I wrote the second half when Reisi sees Saruhiko and then I went back and listened to Jizz in my Pants and read it at the same time and laughed until there were tears streaming down my face. **Do it, it's fucking hilarious.**


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry for the wait, I've been very sick with a fever and a pseudo-flu. Thank you for the reviews, even though it's not the amount that I asked for. **I won't post the next chapter until we reach 80 reviews,** because I'm trying to **advertise my writing style for my published book coming in December**, so **please meet the review deadlines or forget me updating at all.**

It shouldn't be hard to just leave a review saying 'update' or going through and reviewing a couple chapters at the same time all saying the same one word. **I don't really care about content, only quantity because the more reviews, the more people who are drawn to check it out.**

Please respect my wishes, thank you

**Next chapter at:** 80 reviews

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Saruhiko sat on the older male's blue couch and felt like he was coming home somehow. It was dark outside his Captain's living room window, but still Saruhiko went and closed the blinds, wanting his privacy. Their privacy, really. The living room had a nice flat screen TV that looked like it hadn't been used in a long time, and it's owner's face was reflected off the black surface from the light of the lamp beside the couch. Reishi was waiting for him calmly, letting him walk around and fix the windows and make them both cups of green tea while he just sat on the couch and watched him with his eyes. Saruhiko went around for almost a half an hour while he prepared himself to tell the whole truth, while his Captain was as patient as ever. He was still wearing his outfit from dinner, they both were, but he had taken off his shoes and left them by the door and his captain gave his socks to wear so he wouldn't catch a cold.

When he finally sat down on the couch he sat at the very end, furthest from his captain who sat on the other end. He held the steaming mug of tea in his hands and wished he could be spirited away to anywhere else, and yet he owed the truth to this man-this man who was seemed so infatuated, so invested, him. Yes, he owed this man this much.

"I always saw things differently than other people, from my very first memory I saw bright colors and magical things. It was only when I was seven did I realize I was sick, I went to the library like I always did when my parents fought too loud. They fought a lot, with words not with their hands, and they never really cared about me-not like parents should. I was an object to them, their treasure to show off their prowess. I was smart as a child, but they were intent on forcing me to be a genius-I had to be perfect. I had tutors after school to teach me high school level courses when I was in the fourth grade, and it wasn't until middle school and they finished teaching me college level classes that I got my parents to let them go. They kept me in the same grade level as other kids my age, but in terms of kindness that was the only time they ever showed any care for my own preferences."

Saruhiko paused to take a sip of his drink, and winced when it burned his tongue. He didn't dare look at his Captain, didn't dare see the pity or the hatred or the love. He didn't want that now.

"If I scored less than perfect, if I get scored a 99 I was locked in the garage with no dinner for the whole night. To anyone else it might have been traumatic, but when you're sick like me it was rather fun. The walls wrote on themselves and colorful creatures that don't have names would talk and play games with me. Then there were the faceless people, who looked like normal people except that they had no faces, and they were always kind to me. There was one girl, I called her Maria, who would sing to me lullabies because my mother never would. She was my favorite friend."

His eyes burned at the memories of his friend, but if he was crying his Captain didn't say anything.

"When people think about Schizophrenia they usually think of monsters and shadows or things that whispered death threats and made the victims kill people or whatever, but my world was always bright and happy and nothing ever scared me. The clouds would turn into shapes and dance and the birds would talk to me and yet my parents never knew I was sick, either that or they ignored it. I had to be perfect, after all. I was alienated at school because I would talk to the air and laugh when no one was speaking, but the teachers never took note of it and I was never really lonely. I was always happy, always surrounded by friends that weren't real, always safe."

He drank some more tea, now just warm, and it soothed his raw throat. The next part would be harder to say, and he was sure he would start crying again. He took a deep breath and focused his gaze on the cup in his hands before he started again.

"On my thirteenth birthday I went into heat while walking home from school. A normal kid would have known that would happen, but every time I asked about Omega heats my parents said that if I wasn't an Alpha I was a failure. So I didn't known I'd go into heat then, but I always knew I was destined to be an Omega. I love children, even as a child I would watch mothers drop of their kids to school and _want _that. It wasn't that I wanted my mother to drop me off at school, I couldn't care less about that, but I wanted the bond that a mother and child have. I was young, I was a child myself, but even at thirteen I wouldn't have minded having a child of my own."

He felt his throat start to close at the prospect of being a mother. He had been one for a little more than three weeks and then murdered the child he professed to care about so much. What a mother he had been.

"When I went into heat and it hurt too much to move I went into an alley way to rest. Maria was with me, because she was always with me, and she kept telling me to get up but I couldn't think past the cramps. Then he showed up and it didn't hurt anymore."

His Captain had yet to say anything, yet to make a sound or move an inch, and for a moment Saruhiko feared he had been left alone to tell his story to the air. Well, it wasn't like he wouldn't be used to that. However there was a clink of china and he spared a glance to the coffee table in front of them to see that Reisi had simply set the now empty cup down on the wood surface. He refrained from looking directly at the man, not wanting to see his reaction, and continued talking.

"When I realized what he was doing and I tried to hit him but he bit me instead and I passed out from it all. I woke up several times but my colorful world was melting like ice on the pavement...when it all settled I dragged myself home and my parents started to scream at me for being a failure and my mom cried for herself and I passed out again..."

He kept the details out, not wanting to relive it himself, and kept his eyes focused on the plush beige carpet.

"My parents didn't comfort me, didn't explain anything or offer any sympathies, they ignored my very existence and didn't spare me a single glance for three weeks-and even then they didn't even turn from watching TV when I vomited my cereal on the kitchen floor from my first bout of morning sickness. Later that day my mom..." His voice broke as his vision of the carpet blurred with tears. He forced himself to continue talking, even though he kept stuttering through his quiet sobbing.

"S-She s-said I couldn't s-shame our family b-by having a b-baby and that I needed to g-get r-rid of it...she g-gave me s-something to drink and s-said it would h-hurt and I w-would be depressed for a w-while but i-it would get better...and I went to my r-room and d-drank i-it...b-because I d-didn't want to disappoint my p-parents...M-Maria kept telling m-me n-not to d-drink i-it and I s-should have listened to h-her..." Saruhiko had long since been drinking tea, the cup now deposited on the table, and ducked his head between his knees.

"It felt uncomfortable, like cramps, but it didn't necessarily h-hurt...until a few hours later when the b-baby a-actually s-started d-dying...T-They a-always tell y-you t-that Omegas w-who m-miscarry have it r-rough...t-that they c-can f-feel their baby d-die...but w-with my c-condition..."

He tangled his hands in his hair and dug his fingers into his scalp, his chest felt like it was on fire and the air he was breathing in heavily was stifling. His tears fell hot and fast, his vision completely blurred as he stared down at his feet, liquid diamonds falling to strike at his socked toes.

"I _heard_ my b-baby die..." he whispered hoarsely, suddenly gasping over the lump in his throat, voice thick and strained as he continued feebly.

"It w-was so h-horrible...the s-sound of a baby in d-distress...I-I could feel my baby was s-suffering and wanted nothing m-more than to hold it and coo it to s-sleep...but m-my baby was dying and s-screaming so awfully that I s-started screaming with it...Then my parents finally came to see what was wrong and drove me to the hospital...I told the d-doctor everything and he just shoved me those p-pills that never worked and s-sent me home...and on t-the way to the doctors...when I was practically c-catatonic...I watched through the car window as my c-colorful world melted and the sky turned gray and the moon black...and t-then a-after a while the c-cracks started appearing to call me a 'failure' and a 'slut'..."

He could feel Reisi descend around him, wrapping warm strong arms around his shoulders and pulling him back to bury his face in the others shirt without ever saying a word. "A-and t-they say t-that male O-Omegas make the b-best m-mothers...b-but how could t-that be true when I m-murdered my own child!" he broke down into wailing sobs burying himself further in the other male's silent embrace, infinitely thankful for the caring man that bothered to stick around and hear his sob story.

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Reisi could tolerate many things, from the strain of being a King to his lieutenant's disturbing love for bean paste, but this he could not take. Saruhiko need say the word and he would arrest his parents for child abuse and negligence.

How dare they hurt this poor fragile being!

How dare they ignore this boy and leave him on his own throughout his life!

How dare they abandon this boy to his inner demons and dismiss his every existence in his most critical periods!

How dare they make him murder his child!

Saruhiko cried in his arms and Reisi just brushed his fingers through the boys hair. He checked the digital clock on the television's black box, which read 12:43 AM. It was late, and they had work tomorrow, so it would be best if he and the boy in his arms got some rest. He wouldn't send the boy back to his dorm now, it was too late and Saruhiko's emotional state was too fragile-he would take it as a form of rejection of his confession, that Reisi was belittling his story, if he sent him back now. No, for tonight the boy could take his bed and he would take the couch.

He pressed a gentle kiss to the top of the boy's head and sure enough Saruhiko tipped up his head to look up at him with glistening big eyes and an innocent tear stained face. He was so very tempted to lean down to kiss those red rosy lips, but he had more self control than that.

"Come to bed, Saruhiko, it's late and we have work tomorrow. You can take my bed and I'll take the couch." He wouldn't respond, to make any comment, to the boy's open heart, he would save that for another day when they were both emotionally sound. Saruhiko nodded and got up while wiping the tears from his face. He offered Reisi a small smile and the older man smiled back and took the boy's hand in his own as he showed the boy to his room, despite the other finding respite in there earlier.

He unmade his bed and was thankful his room was clean and organized like it always was. He had borderline OCD and his apartment was always in perfect order without a hair out of place.

"So you can take any of my clothes from the dresser that you would like to change into after taking a shower, and I'll give you something to take before you go to bed that will soothe your nerves. Saruhiko nodded, blushing slightly in the artificial light of Reisi's bedroom ceiling lamp, and scurried off into the adjoining bathroom.

While the boy was taking his shower he went out to sit on the couch and stretched him out over it's length. _What a horrible life...I never thought...my God..._He ran his hands down his face and cupped them over his nose and mouth. He had various scenarios he had thought of, of how Saruhiko's childhood had been. These were all scenes he had thought of long before the Red King's death, and none of them were quite so horrible as the bare naked truth.

_No wonder the boy was afraid of contact, of creating friendships...no wonder he was so angry and betrayed when Yata Misaki started to ignore him...how the boy seemed to always glare at Akiyama's parents whenever they stopped by at the dorms to goad Akiyama into having Sunday brunch with them. This boy was always alone...except that he wasn't, not really...but he had said all those imaginary friends and colors of his had vanished when his baby had died...and incriminating cracks had taken their place...and what awful things they said to him...how can he take hearing those things everyday? _

He heard the shower turn off and his dresser being rummaged through, so he went over to his kitchen cabinet to get the sleeping pills and a glass of cold water for the other to drink. The boy would want to get a good nights rest after having such an exhausting day, and he would have trouble getting to bed if it wasn't medically induced.

He knocked on his bedroom door and Saruhiko shouted to let himself in so he did. The boy was wearing one of his white button up shirts and a black pair of his boxers, folding up his own clothes on top of the dresser. "Thanks for everything, really. Is alright to wear these?" Reisi smiled, "Your very welcome, and those are fine." He went to hand the boy the bottle of pills when his nostrils were suddenly assailed by a scent so very familiar but not truly welcome. His stomach tied in knots and his throat closed up, fighting for words, "S-Saruhiko y-you're..."

Saruhiko looked at him curiously, and Reisi was unconsciously drawn to the bare expanse of skin the collar of the shirt allowed. He swallowed thickly and forced himself to stay perfectly still, "H-Heat" was all he could say, and he watched the boy's china doll skin turn paper white. He took a few cautious steps back until the back of his knees hit the bed, watching Reisi warily with fearful eyes, "I-I m-must have f-forgotten to take my suppressants this morning when I stopped taking the other medication I-" He snapped his mouth shut and looked from Reisi to the bathroom door, clearly judging how fast he could make it there.

Reisi hardly blamed the boy, but he himself was having a hard time thinking through the pheromones that had started to clog the air of the room. The door was one that closed on it's own, and there was no reprieve from the stagnant cloying atmosphere. He didn't think he could reach his own patches in time, and he was starting to lose grip on his own self control.

The glass of water suddenly slipped from his hands and cracked on the carpet floor, the splash of cold water on his socked feet shocking him and draining him of his last threads of sanity. He succumbed to his Alpha instincts and the last thing he saw before slipping into desire was Saruhiko's frightened face and then everything was simply _bliss._

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Lol, didn't see that coming did you? Or maybe you kinda thought it was, whatever :P


	8. Chapter 8

I'm in the middle of studying for finals in college, three papers (Ethics, cognitive psychology, and statistics), and two projects (statistics and cognitive psychology)-all due by the this Monday and my partner and I for the cognitive project need to do it again because the green screen (green bedsheet) wouldn't work. ALSO, I have a very bad cold and had to run and get antibiotics so I'm very very sorry I haven't updated in a while. Also, like I think I said before, this story has already been outlined to the finest detail, and as such I know what I'm doing and where this story is going. School just gets in the way.

**PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW BECAUSE I WORKED MY ASS OFF AND NEGLECTED MY PROJECTS TO GET YOU ALL THIS BECAUSE YOU WANTED IT**

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Reisi awoke to the sound of his alarm going off. Instinctively he reached back to shut it off, while the gears in his head started to turn and his eyes tried and failed to focus. He snatched up his glasses and was met with the clear picture of his ceiling, with the light still on. For a few precious seconds, it was a normal morning, but then images from last night filtered through his mind's eye and his blood went cold.

_His grip was bruising on the boy's arms as he forced the younger male down onto the bed. The world was a blur of pheromones, the man he used to be locked deep inside and a beast let loose in his place. He was focused on the flesh, not the face, of the boy he was about to defile. No, he would make sweet love to this magnificent creature, but if only it would stop struggling. He leaned down and licked a strip up the side of the boy's neck, and the male shuddered and lay still. He smirked against the pale flesh, he tasted so heavenly-like honey and sugar and sex.  
_

Tears sprung to the Blue King's eyes as he remembered bits and pieces of the atrocity he had committed. Bile rose in his throat and he clapped a hand over his mouth, hot tears running over his fingers. He had yet to look beside him, to the warm presence he felt so near to his bare skin. He couldn't look, couldn't bear to see the crime he had committed-couldn't look at the boy's fearful eyes that would surely be filled with betrayal and hate.

But he had to look, had to assess the rate of damage so he could pay for his actions accordingly. He gulped, _Christ-and right after he spilled his heart to me I just go and take advantage him like this...how disgusting..._The boy had opened up to him finally, after their first and most likely last date, and he just turns around and rapes the poor boy. After that story...those feelings...to hurt him like this was just too cruel. Not for the first time in his life, Reisi cursed the roles of Alphas and Omegas-wishing they could be a more civilized and less instinctual race. He took a deep breath, steeled his nerves, and turned to look at the boy he had defiled, only to lose his breath in one fell swoop.

The boy looked like an angel.

The sunlight that filtered in through a corner of his blinds shone the on the boy's face as he lay turned towards Reisi. He was snuggled deep into the white sheets up to his neck, his dark hair fanning around his beautiful face like a halo. His high cheekbones were as if sculpted marble, his long lashes casting shadows along his aquiline nose. His breath came out slow and steady passed bright pinks lips parted slightly as he slept soundly.

Reisi reached out gently to carefully pull down the sheets to see the damage he might have caused, and the illusion of tranquility was lost. He dropped the sheet which pooled above the boy's waist and had to clap a hand to his mouth to prevent from sobbing aloud. The boy's chest was a mottled mess of bright red hickeys and finger nail scratches-some of which would be in dire need of stitching. There were almost _black_ hand shaped bruises around both upper arms as well as ones that peeked out at the boy's hips. His lower abdomen was splattered with cum on the front and a horrific amount of smeared blood near the base of his tail bone. Reisi could honestly care less about the state of his sheets. His only thoughts were what a horrible monster he was for _mutilating _this innocent boy.

But the worst thing of all was the bloody bite mark on the boy's collarbone.

A Bonding Bite.

Reisi wanted to scream, to tear out his hair and beat his fists bloody on the wall. How could he have done something so awful to this child? How could he mate with this boy after his old mate, as well as his rapist, had died only a week prior? How could he shackle him with children once more after hearing such a sad speech? How could he? How could-

"Reisi, are you alright?"

His heart skipped a beat for the first time in his life, and Reisi didn't know whether to be relieved or horrified that the tone of the boy's voice was innocent worry directed at him of all people. He looked down at his new mate and expected hatred and anguish, not the bright smile and glittering sapphires he was met with.

"Good morning."

"...Good morning..."

Saruhiko blushed when he realized he was stripped of covers and pulled it up to his neck like a child would a safety blanket. He winced as he maneuvered himself onto his stomach, curling his arms around the pillow and burying his face in the torn feather case. White fluff fluttered out like stuffing in a bear, and Reisi didn't want to think about which one of them had raked their nails down the satin pillow case. Saruhiko turned his face, side pressed into the soft fluff, and gave him a dazzling smile. What did this boy think he was doing? Why was he acting like everything was fine? Like what had happened the night before had been an act of love and not the lust it had been? Did he not realize what Reisi had done? Or had he, God forbid, thought he had intended it to happen? That he meant to claim the boy after he had just explained his sad life's story?

"Saruhiko I-" He what? He was sorry? He would find a way to fix this? Offer Severance? Offer abortion? These things were abominations after learning of the boy's past, of what his mother forced him to do at the fragile age of thirteen. He would be damned if he abandoned this boy, this gem he had fallen for so hard and then shattered so easily like glass. He couldn't find the words to express his sorrow, his soul crushing guilt, his determination to make things right between them.

Saruhiko's smile fell into a light frown and he cast his eyes down sadly, reaching out fluidly to thread his finger's with the older man's. "I know," he whispered, flicking large blue eyes up at his face once more, "but we can make this right, can't we?" The soft hopeful tone of voice punctuated by the sheet sliding down a fraction to expose a hint of the Bonding Bite that had yet to heal. Reisi felt guilt roil in his gut once more and loosened his fingers from Saruhiko's grasp.

"I raped you." A fact, his crime, his cross to bear until he rotted in his grave. Saruhiko's squeezed his eyes shut, "I-" he sounded like he was trying hard not to cry, and Reisi felt regret again, "I know this...isn't ideal...but this is what would happen anyway, you know?" Reisi wrinkled his nose in disgust, "I _mutilated you-_ have you not seen what I've done to you? You're _bleeding _and bruised _black._ You think this would have happened eventually?!"He had lost himself to irrational Alpha anger, and despaired when Saruhiko shrunk back into the sheet as if struck. His eyes watered and he bit his lip, voice but a whimper, "I meant that we'd be mated eventually...I...I'm sure if we had kept it all up I would have fallen in love with you as well...at least...I love you a little already..."

His eyes welled with tears as Reisi struggled with his emotions, "How can you love after I _violated _you?" Saruhiko squirmed under his gaze and winced in pain, just making the guilt well more. "I don't", Saruhiko whimpered, "think of it that way..." Reisi was silent so he continued in a normal voice, "I...was scared...at first...but I understood it wasn't your fault, you were just acting on instincts and, believe it or not, you were very gentle." Reisi gestured to the mauling hidden underneath the sheets, "_That's _gentle?" Saruhiko smiled sadly, "Before I had a fractured arm and broken ribs, I've heard that Omegas sometimes die..." Reisi was shocked into silence, and Saruhiko took it as an opportunity to rejoin their hands and scoot his body closer to him.

It was natural that he was clingy, Reisi knew, as all Bonded Omegas are with their mates. Frankly, he himself wanted nothing more than to hold this boy until the end of time, bury his face into the soft tresses and whisper to him how much he adored him. But could he, after all he had just done?

As if reading his mind, Saruhiko's face lost it's color and his grip on his hand turned into a choke hold. "You won't," his voice broke, "you won't make me kill them will you? You wouldn't...no..." His fingers went from a death grip to slipping away limply, as Reisi watched in horror as the boy seemed to retreat within himself in his grief as he mumbled, "No no no I can't not again I can't no don't make me no-" He lowered himself down quickly and pulled the boy into a hug as best he could without touching the bruises or moving him too much. The boy froze in his hold, mumbling ceased but breathing uneven, "Wha-"

"I would never make you do such a thing, never in a million years. It may be backwards but I'm confident we can make this work. You can do whatever you wish, it's your body, but I would be honored to raise our children with you as my mate." He wasn't as confident as he said, but he was sure he would never love anyone like he loved the boy in his arms. He felt tears on his bare neck, and knew by his shaking that Saruhiko was sobbing, "I-thank you...thank you..." he whimpered, raising his bruised and battered arms to encircle him with surprising strength.

"Saruhiko, I love you with all my heart."

"...I think I'm on my way to doing the same, Reisi."

Reisi called in sick for the two of them that day, and they spent the rest of it in bed-sleeping soundly in each others arms. Safe in their beautiful world of two.

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I...can't believe I just wrote a chapter with the word 'cum' in it...oh God please don't let my mother figure out my username.

**PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW BECAUSE I WORKED MY ASS OFF AND NEGLECTED MY PROJECTS TO GET YOU ALL THIS BECAUSE YOU WANTED IT**


	9. Chapter 9

OH MY GOD I'M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG!

It was my birthday yesterday so I've been rather busy-also I had finals and moved out in two days so it was hectic as hell.

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The day after they rested from mating, Saruhiko belongings had already started to appear around the flat. It hadn't even come up, but they had still silently agreed to move in together. Reisi moved the boy's things himself, because the latter said he'd be too embarrassed if he bumped into any of the others at the barracks. Instead he stayed at his and Reisi's apartment, staring at himself in the mirror of the older man's bathroom, worrying his lower lip and stroking his abdomen over his clothes. He stood there for hours, just staring at himself, until Reisi brought all his things and found him. He didn't say anything, neither of them did, but he gently pulled the younger in an embrace that Saruhiko could only describe as warm.

A week went by and Saruhiko felt like they were walking on a wire.

Morning sickness wouldn't kick in until the following week, but Saruhiko definitely was more tired at work than he'd ever been in his life. He honestly couldn't remember if it had been the same during his first pregnancy, because those weeks were a blur to him, but the internet said it was fine. He and Reisi had discussed it and agreed that he'd work until he started showing-actually it was more that Reisi wanted him to take leave immediately and Saruhiko stubbornly declaring that he refused to be useless and it ended in a fragile compromise. Saruhiko internally debated whether to tell Misaki, it hadn't even crossed his minds to tell his parents, and Reisi only said that it was up to him to decide who and when they unveiled what was going on to the others at Scepter 4.

Saruhiko had a suspicion Awashima knew, because the very first day he went back to work she gave him a startled look. She just passed him in the hall and must have smelled the subtle pheromones of a pregnant Omega. She had smiled though, after the shock wore off, and gave a gentle squeeze to his hand and walked off. It must have been because she was the only other Omega in Scepter 4-he had always found it amusing that two of the most highest ranking officers were Omegas while all their subordinates were Alphas. It made him feel special in a smug way.

By the second week he had to use to the bathroom every two hours, much to his chagrin, and he snapped at people like he would when on his schizophrenia medication. Luckily, or unluckily, people thought he was over his "stage" and was going back to way he used to be before.

Reisi still hated himself, Saruhiko was certain of this. It was evident in the way they slept together, with Reisi holding him close albeit reluctant to initiate the hug. Having a mate you cared for was the most wonderful thing in the world for Saruhiko, always wanting to feel the other person and the link that joined them nestled safely inside him. But Reisi's mind was still weighed down by guilt, and no matter how much Saruhiko tried to tell him it was alright, tell him how much he loved him, it didn't seem to help Reisi at all.

But honestly, what other man would he want to have pups with other than this man? Kind, gentle, loyal, strong, patient-this man was all those things and more, everything Omegas look for in a potential mate. This man already loved him, and he was quickly getting there himself. By the third week he felt the Soul Bond as an almost tangible thing, able to tell whether or not Reisi was happy or sad or contemplative even when he was in a whole other part of town. At the middle of the third week he was hit with morning sickness, and it became a game of throwing up into random bushs while avoiding subordinates while on a mission. It would make him laugh later, to remember having to sneak about to find places to vomit out of sight or whenever Akiyama turned around, but at the time it was nothing but misery.

He was thankful he hadn't started to get headaches yet, because nausea he could deal with-but not coupled with a migraine. Speaking of Akiyama, the man seemed to harbor a heavy crush on him, and blushed whenever they made eye contact. This might have flustered Saruhiko before but, with the Bonding Bite healed into a beautiful scar on his neck, he felt nothing but love for Reisi alone. Watching Akiyama like him was flattering though, and he'd let it go on for a little bit longer if only for his own ego.

Today was another mission, three weeks into his pregnancy and nauseous all the time, but at least this one had his Reisi tagging along. The Green Clan had been sighted in town, and no one liked the Green Clan-they were troublesome like the Red Clan but often had misfortune in mind for innocent people. Reisi was talking to Awashima in the cordoned off street, while other members of the Blue Clan were scattered about. Saruhiko didn't want to get into the fight if the Green Clan did indeed show up, but didn't want to tell Reisi that just yet. Today was his last day, he decided, not wanting anything to happen to the life inside of him on the third week like Mariko. He ducked into a plaza passed a row of buildings, and decided to stay there for the duration of the mission.

However, fate seemed to have a different plan for him because instead of the plaza being empty, it turned out that of all people Misaki was there. The ginger looked better than Saruhiko thought he would, dressed in a red jumpsuit with skateboard in one hand and his trusty bat in the other. Suddenly Saruhiko's nausea vanished, replaced by a cold ball of horror. Misaki had his back to him, looking up at the sky, but he sensed his presence and turned around with a scowl. There were dark circles under his eyes, but his skin was a healthy color-so Saruhiko was at least thankful the boy still had his health.

"Fucking baka-Saru, what the hell you doing here?!"

And his temper.

As Misaki looked him up and down, surprise was evident on his face, and Saruhiko didn't blame him for being shocked. Misaki would think his wardrobe and hairstyle change was because he was happy Mikoto was dead, it was obvious Misaki would take it the wrong way. Unfortunately Saruhiko had barely started showing, and his clothes hid the light bulge, so Misaki wouldn't know-wouldn't hesitate to attack him.

And he was right.

* * *

Reisi was living in a perpetual state of grief. He was no longer grieving for the fallen Red King, though the sting was still there, but instead was filled with self loathing and despair over his new mate. It wasn't that Saruhiko being his mate that bothered him per say, in fact he couldn't be happier in that respect, but it was the way they became mates that drove him mad with guilt. Everyday he woke with Saruhiko in his arms, and everyday he wished he hadn't raped him. He was happy to have children, happy to have Saruhiko as his mate, but the fact that he had done it against the boy's will after he had just spilled his heart just ate at him.

But Saruhiko seemed fine with it all, happy-overjoyed even, and he just could not let it go. He brought the boy's things to his house, helped with the pregnancy in any way he could-making breakfast for his sleeping lover and holding his hair back when he couldn't hold the food down, but still his gut roiled with guilt. He had done the same thing the Colorless King had done all those years ago, and now Saruhiko was shackled with children when he was still a child himself. He wasn't even old enough to drink and he was buying baby books!

He didn't want the boy coming to work at all, but the boy had insisted that he do so until he started showing, and they compromised. He'd seen the boy's baby bump in the shower that morning, and very soon he'd have his wish and Saruhiko would be resting at home. Awashima, the perceptive woman that she was, seemed to know all this, and kept an eye on the boy at work. He was forever grateful for her assistance, and couldn't help but ponder once more what her relationship was the Red Clan's bartender. Were they mates or were they just friends? He was sure by then that he would never figure it out.

Akiyama pestered him constantly, his crush driving the Alpha in him mad, and it terrified him. Sometimes he'd daydream about strangling the man-at which point Reisi, horrified with himself, dove back into his work. He was desperately protective of the boy, and every time he went out on a mission he nearly made himself sick with worry. The boy was a capable solider as always, but still Reisi worried.

Even now, talking to Awashima about border control, he worried about his pregnant mate. Out of the corner of his eye he tried to find the boy amongst his subordinates, but he didn't see him anywhere. The worry in him grew with every minute, and he was very ready to dash off and find the boy himself, make excuses and leave Awashima in charge.

Then he suddenly felt it, panic and fear and desperation, flooding down the Soul Bond like a flash flood, and without a word to Awashima he teleported to the boy's location in a panic. Saruhiko was in a plaza about a block away, with Yata Misaki standing over him with a bat and Saruhiko crouched on the ground holding his stomach and Reisi saw red. In an instant he was at his mate's side, a rush of blue aura sending the red boy stumbling back in fright. He hadn't noticed the confused and worried look on the boy's face when he first got there, his only focus on getting the danger away from his precious love.

"Saruhiko are you alright?!" he asked, crouching down to the boy's level and rubbing his back gently. The boy stiffened and then violently buried himself in his mate's arms, not crying, not making a sound, just shivering and trying hard to melt into the older man, to disappear. A quick once over deduced he hadn't been hurt, and he must have gone into fetal when Misaki tried to attack him. He could feel the slight raise of their pup against him, and understood. Threading a hand into the boy's hair and pressing a tender kiss to his forehead he whispered comforting words and rocked him gently.

All the while Yata was staring at them with a confused and hurt expression. He looked like he wanted to ask something, most likely what was going on? Suddenly his face lost color as it dawned on him what was happening, and he stumbled backwards. He looked like he was going to start crying, and it was only then that Reisi remembered that this boy was also an Omega. He hadn't known Saruhiko was pregnant, not until now, and the thought of harming a child must be horrifying to the boy. However Reisi was too preoccupied on his own Omega to worry about the one that just ran off, ignoring the sounds of Awashima and Akiyama running into the plaza at the same time Yata disappeared in the other direction.

* * *

Saruhiko only knew fear.

He saw Misaki run towards him with his bat raised, screaming something that Saruhiko couldn't hear because Misaki had a bat and oh God he was going to kill his baby his baby was going to die again no he couldn't do it again he'd rather die please no-

And then he woke up in his and Reisi's bed.

He blinked against the darkness of the room, bearily turning on his side to look out the window-only to find the blinds pulled shut against the light of the sun. The gaps between the shades glowed dark orange, so Saruhiko figured the sun was setting. He didn't remember how he got into their apartment, but he figured it could only be his Alpha. Did Reisi save him? Was his baby okay?!

He frantically pulled off the covers and lifted his oversized pink v-neck he wore to bed _(did Reisi change my clothes for me?) _to examine the slight rise of his abdomen. The skin was fair, pulled tight over where his baby slept, and there was no bruising or bleeding or anything wrong. He let out the breath he didn't know he was holding, letting the shirt fall back to cover his blue and white striped panties and bare thighs. He huffed, putting his face in his hands and feeling tears well up in his eyes. He knew it was the hormones, there was nothing wrong-nothing to be crying over, but still he couldn't stop the sobs from leaving his throat. His head felt full, his eyes hurt and his nose was already stuffy, and he wanted nothing more than to bury himself in his mate's arms.

As if on cue Reisi came into the room with worry etched into his normally calm features. Saruhiko lifted his face and felt the cold air from the open door chill the tear tracks like knives. The sight of his mate made his face scrunch up into heavy sobs and Reisi descended on him like a calming presence. His mate lifted him bridal style in his arms to make room for himself in their bed, and Saruhiko had no objections. As they lay spooning in their bed, with no words, Reisi's hands over Saruhiko's own that rested on the swell of his belly, Saruhiko knew what being safe felt like.

* * *

It was a whole six weeks, Saruhiko in his ninth week of pregnancy, before Misaki appeared in his life again. He was a full-time stay home pregnant mom now, sleeping the day away and waking only to use the bathroom (which was frequently) and eat small meals consisting solely of vegetables-which suddenly seemed so very appealing. Saruhiko was achy and tired and-even though his stomach wasn't very large-he felt fat and uncomfortable in his own skin. However, he was happier than he'd ever been, and Reisi had stuck by his side all the while. He and his mate grew closer at the heart with every passing day, with every kiss goodbye and cuddle at night. Saruhiko cooked for Reisi so he could have dinner when he arrived home from the office, with a clothespin on his nose so he didn't vomit at the smell of whatever he was making. All his feminine clothes were baggy to begin with, so he had no trouble finding clothes that fit or were still more than loose on his slightly bloated frame.

Everything was going swimmingly, he was a mother who was able to keep his child alive for nine weeks and had a mate that loved him, and then he received a tentative knock to his door. Not many people knew where Reisi lived, and Reisi called him whenever he left the office, so he was sure it wasn't him. Panic seized him from his comfortable place on the couch watching the cooking channels, his mind coming up with all the possible enemies Reisi had that could be targeting his mate for revenge. But who knew about them was the question he should have been asking. Then again, if one looked close enough they would have been able to spot the changes to their relationship, not to mention his own absence and prior drastic change in appearance and personality. While his thoughts ran wild, the stranger knocked at the door again, rather impatiently.

Putting one hand protectively over his tummy, he shuffled quickly passed the door into the kitchen to grab the still sudsy skillet from dinner the night before and went and opened the door. He raised his hand quickly up over his head, heavy iron skillet almost throwing him off balance but ready to come down on the stranger's head.

"W-What the fuck-Saru it's me!"

Saruhiko's weapon wielding arm fell to his side, mouth almost hanging open in his shock. Misaki stood in the doorway looking just as shocked but more scared than anything. He was dressed in white skinny jeans and a black and white stripped long sleeve shirt he had rolled up to his elbows, his skateboard under one arm and a bouquet of white daisies in the other. Saruhiko tried to regain his composure, putting a hand over the bump visible on his tight fitting purple sweater. He was also wearing a pair of white sweatpants and fuzzy pink socks, not exactly supermodel material but he wasn't feeling so good. They stared at each other, Saruhiko at the flowers and Misaki at his clearly pregnant belly.

"Uh..." Saruhiko started, unsure of what to say, and licked his dry lips. Misaki bit his lip, "I'm sorry...Saruhiko..." The words hit Saruhiko at his core, at Misaki's crack, and his breath caught in his throat. Hearing the other boy say his full name, to apologize to him of all things, it tore at his heart to hear it from his former best friend's mouth. He just stepped back, the door wide open, and motioned with his hand to Misaki to let himself in. The other nodded politely and took off his shoes at the door, Saruhiko dropping off the skillet quickly back into the sink, and then watched from the safety of the kitchen while Misaki looked around the apartment with a look of disbelief on his face.

"So weird man, I can't believe this is what the Blue King's apartment looks like, I thought it'd be a giant tea room or something!" Misaki's voice echoed throughout the apartment, and Saruhiko realized he had missed the sound. It was like they were back in their shared apartment, two quirky teens with shitty family lives but were happy together, just the two of them.

"It's both his and mine, though I was the one who moved in." Saruhiko watched Misaki's expression nervously, worried and confused about the flowers he was still holding. Misaki's face blossomed into crimson, however, and he set his skateboard by the door next to his shoes before walking up to him in the kitchen and holding out the flowers to Saruhiko with a nervous and almost saddening expression of guilt.

"I-I'm so sorry I attacked you then, I-I didn't know you were p-preg-gnat and I-" Saruhiko cut him off by taking the flowers with a broad smile, Misaki looked at his smile with shock, and Saruhiko understood all too well what was going through the other's head.

"T-Those hairpins...you wore them a long time ago once at school...you acted like this then too...for a week but then went back to normal afterwards..." He frowned, confused, and Saruhiko just set the flowers behind him and leaned back on the counter with his palms, letting out a soft sigh. He had thought throughly about how to go about coming clean to his ex-friend, but still none of the scenarios he came up with sounded right. Now was the moment of truth and he didn't know what to say.

Misaki looked at him like he was expecting an answer, but Saruhiko wasn't sure of how to give one. "I...I'm not..." He had expected Misaki to come over and ask about his pregnancy, about his relationship with Reisi, but not this...not this...

If he told the truth, would Misaki leave again?

"Saru...you know you can tell me anything right?"

That simple phrase sent Saruhiko into waterworks, though this time he was sure it wasn't the hormones. Misaki just looked on in shock as Saruhiko broke down into tears, not bothering to wipe them away but just crying with gasping sobs. Saruhiko took a deep breath and tried to explain his story as best he could, trying to get it over as quick as possible because stress wasn't good for the baby.

He talked about his schizophrenia, how the Colorless King destroyed his childhood, about the screaming baby he had lost, about the cracks, he talked about how the pills made him colorless too-and how Reisi had persuaded him to get off them. He told about Reisi's love for him and his own love for his Alpha. He told the truth about why he left Homra. He left out Reisi's momentary loss of control that resulted in his pregnancy and let Misaki assume it had come about naturally.

The whole time he avoided Misaki's gaze, frightened of what it would hold, and stared down at his belly, rubbing light circles. He couldn't wait to feel the baby move, to have a solid confirmation that the baby was fine. Every night before bed, Saruhiko would ask and Reisi would gladly oblige, and he would rest his ear against the gentle swell and reaffirm to the raven that there was in fact a heart beating there. Every time Reisi dashed away his fear he always let loose a breath he hadn't known he had been holding.

When he finished, the only sound in the apartment was the ticking of the various clocks strewn about the abode. Suddenly he found Misaki wrapped around him like an octopus, his face buried in his shirt, little whimpers escaping him and Saruhiko could feel the tears soaking through his shirt. Saruhiko was shocked, brought to tears himself, and yet slowly reciprocated the hug, letting them slowly slide down to the floor together, while mindful of his baby.

After that there were no apologies, no explanations, only chatting away like old friends who had just seen each other that morning. Misaki went over a bunch of names, while Saruhiko giggled and said he didn't even know if it would be a boy or a girl. Misaki had always acted tough, so much so that it was easy to forget he was an Omega, but it was times like these, when Misaki would look at a mother and get a look in his eyes that looked a lot like longing. It was no different now, with Misaki cooing at the unborn bump and congratulating Saruhiko with tears of pride in his eyes. Saruhiko feared it was all a dream, that he would wake up on the couch and Misaki would still hate him. But when Misaki reached out and ran calloused fingers over the scar on his chest, Saruhiko realized it was real and things would be different from then on.

When Reisi arrived home at six, he found his mate sitting on the couch with all the lights off. Concerned, and unsure if the other was asleep or not, he crept closer on padded feet. The window curtain had been pulled back, letting in a stream of moonlight that illuminated the younger male's face, making the tear tracks on his face look like diamond rivers. He was running the pads of his fingers over the now healed wound on his chest, and turned towards Reisi with the brightest smile he had ever seen on the boy's face by far.

"Misaki's crack went away."

* * *

So yeah, sorry for the delay you guys, hope you enjoyed it! Don't forget to review!

Btw the drinking age in Japan is twenty...for some fucking reason...


	10. Chapter 10

Sorry for the wait, I got the job and now work under observation as an assistant at a school for autistic children. It's damn exhausting and I fucking hate that the hours are like a typical seven hour high school day, but it's so rewarding and fulfilling and just plain fun that I don't care in the slightest.

I've been puked on and rubbed all over with boogers and saliva and have take like three hundred baths in hand sanitizer during work that I'm thinking of just hauling in a big inflatable pool filled with hand sanitzer. Or pudding, either one would make me happy really.

Well, whatever, enjoy this chapter and stay beautiful you guys!

**Can we try to hit 100 reviews? That would be awesome you guys!**

* * *

By the fifteenth week he and Reisi had felt the baby kick at the same time, while lying in bed one morning, and Saruhiko had been so relieved at the feeling that he had burst into tears.

They waited to get an ultrasound, not wanting to move Saruhiko around too much, and during the sixteenth week Reisi got permission from Saruhiko to announce both their relationship and his pregnancy to Scepter 4. The majority of the responses were confetti related congratulations, some of the staff getting hearts in their eyes and Awashima smirking the whole time because she already knew. Akiyama was the only one who took it rather sourly, banging his head once on the table and then asking if he could leave early. Reisi felt bad for him, but then relaxed when Awashima slipped him a note that said that Yata Misaki had a crush on him. Not sure how his mate would take the bit of gossip, he decided not to tell him.

By the seventeenth week Saruhiko had found himself a new craving of wasabi, which Reisi being the dutiful Alpha that he was bought seven jars of the stuff. Reisi had gotten used to finding the dishes no longer washed when he came home and started making his own meals again, seeing as Saruhiko was usually too tired to leave his bed unless he had to relive himself.

By the eighteenth week Misaki had started to visit every day instead of every Tuesday, and Reisi received a shrieking Saruhiko when he came home one night to find his lover freaking out over his friend's choice in crushes. His mood swings weren't as violent as Reisi had expected, he had a few temper tantrums but nothing too serious, and Saruhiko was usually crying. It broke Reisi's heart to see the boy cry, and every time he did Reisi feared he was regretting their copulation. He made pancakes for the boy whenever he cried, even when it was two in the morning on a Sunday and he had to be up for work at six.

By the nineteenth week Saruhiko came down with a cold, and Reisi came home and thought it was the apocalypse. He took off the week to take care of the poor boy, who got better after three days but then Reisi caught it and Saruhiko had to play nurse. Misaki refused to get sick so he pushed envelopes underneath the door.

Saruhiko was in the middle of his twentieth week when he realized he was pregnant with twins.

Everything was lovely, Reisi had even gotten over his guilt...a little bit-and he had already started planning the baby's room with Saruhiko. They had scheduled an appointment for an ultrasound, and Saruhiko seemed like he was glowing. Reisi moved out the room he used for a home office, because if he was brutally honest he went straight from work into Saruhiko's arms to sleep.

And then the ultrasound actually happened and everything changed.

Saruhiko lay on the examination table, shirt pushed up so the doctor could smear the gel on the boy's swollen belly. Reisi stood by Saruhiko's head, holding his lover's hand and gently thumbing over the top of his hand to comfort him. While Saruhiko had been ecstatic at home at the prospect of seeing their baby for the first time, in the waiting room he had bit his lip and asked if Reisi would still love him if the baby was broken. Reisi didn't understand where the question was coming from or what it really meant until Saruhiko started to run his fingers on the table covered in magazines that he figured it out.

Saruhiko was afraid their child would be schizophrenic as well.

While it was a trait that could be both genetic and hereditary, the statistic regarding them were fuzzy and never agreed upon. It was a tough subject to work on, to be sure, and to have it while expecting a child was even harder. Saruhiko had never voiced such a fear before, and now Reisi was left wondering if Saruhiko thought of such things often, if he wasn't as happy as he acted at their home.

Schizophrenia was something that couldn't possibly be diagnosed or was even touched upon during an ultrasound, but Saruhiko wasn't necessarily talking about the ultrasound but the baby in general. He feared that Reisi would leave him if their child had any mental problems or wasn't able to communicate well with his/her peers. The thought that Saruhiko could possibly think that Reisi would ever hate him at all stuck a cord in him and he stood up from his chair to gently embrace the nervous Omega. The younger boy relaxed instantly in his arms, sagging like a ragdoll, and then the doctor called them in.

As the doctor put the handheld device to Saruhiko's stomach to see their baby, the boy squeezed Reisi's hand in a death grip while staring intently at the flickering screen. Reisi gave a sympathetic squeeze with eyebrows drawn tight in concern before following his mate's intense gaze. The screen showed a grayscale image that to Reisi looked like nothing at all, just a bunch of circles and oblong figures. He turned his eyes to the doctor's face, narrowing his eyes when she frowned.

"So there's the baby's head...one moment..." Saruhiko's grip grew impossibly tighter on his hand, and he was sure if he wasn't a King it would have broken by then. Reisi, knowing his mate was severely distressed, leaned over to press a gentle kiss to the boy's forehead, smiling against the porcelain skin when he felt his Omega once again instantly relax. "Don't worry," said the blonde doctor, lips pulled back in a wide smile now, "actually you should be glad."

Reisi sent her a questioning glare but the woman didn't faze her smile in the slightest.

"You're having twins, congratulations!"

* * *

Reisi unlocked and opened the door to their dark apartment and flipped on the light switch. He stepped back to let Saruhiko shuffle inside, closing the umbrella as he followed behind. It was pouring outside and he promptly shut the door and locked it, the heavy pattering dulling to a soft but furious drum. The ultrasound photos in his back pocket felt like lead weights, and he watched Saruhiko pause in the middle of the room, between the kitchen and the living room, with wary eyes. He had been happy at the news, positively overjoyed, but Saruhiko face had gone pale and he had only offered a weak smile and a nod when Reisi asked if he was alright.

He set down the wet umbrella by the door and made a move towards his mate, knowing he had his hands over his stomach even though the male had his back to him. Was Saruhiko still worried that their children would have his same condition?

"Reisi I'm afraid they'll replace Mariko..."

Saruhiko turned his head towards him, letting him see the crystal tear tracks streaming down his face. Beautiful sapphire eyes were clouded with tears and his nose and cheeks were flushed red. His lower lip trembled as he spoke, and Reisi rushed to embrace him.

The tears grew heavier with the pounding rain as Saruhiko sobbed out his frustrations and pains into the crook of his mate's neck. Reisi embraced him from behind so they could be flush together, they fit together so perfectly they were like missing puzzle pieces that had found that they matched.

"Mariko started crying when the doctor said I was with twins...I'd recognize that cry anywhere...I thought I was going to vomit-the sound was just as heart-wrenching as it was six years ago. She doesn't want to be forgotten and I don't want to forget!"

The cracking voice was heart breaking, but to Reisi the fear was irrationally based. There was no way that Saruhiko could forget such a tragic incident, but that probably wasn't what the boy meant. He had felt love for that child born of rape, and if he was brutally honest their twins were no different. Saruhiko had gone and made a grave for the poor child he had lost, courtesy of his wretched parents, and his whole life he was weighed down by the crack in his abdomen and the accusing small voice that only he could see and hear.

"I need to visit her grave...I have to Reisi..."

"We'll go tommorow in the morning when it isn't raining."

"No, I need to go now."

"Saru-"

"_I need to see her now!_"

Reisi had never heard the boy scream, and the noise was horrible and blood curdling. Saruhiko was borderline hysterical, eyes streaming tears and teeth clenched so hard he could hear them straining. Omega mothers were said to be the most dangerous things when it came to their children, protective to the point of murdering people to save their children. In a matter of seconds though, he calmed down and the fire left his eyes, his shoulders slumping and the dark circles under his eyes that he hid with makeup had been revealed in the rain. He looked _exhausted _and once again Reisi felt the familiar pang of guilt of why he was feeling so tired.

_Because I raped him during his heat and forced him with children. _

"Alright we'll head out now, just let me grab the umbrella okay?"

* * *

The grass in the particular park that Saruhiko had made a pseudo grave six years ago was sparse and the rain had turned the dirt into mud that sucked at their shoes. The sky was dark gray and still pouring buckets, and Reisi absently wondered if the sky looked different when it was cloudy with rainclouds to Saruhiko. The boy was silent, his head down and body tucked tight against Reisi's side, his hand clutching at the older man's back. He had slipped a clear plastic raincoat on the boy before he had left, not caring about the light spray that had soaked through his own clothes.

There was so much about Saruhiko he loved, but also so much that he didn't understand. How did the boy think? Did he really forgive him for saddling him with children? How did he feel about his parents? The children inside him?

They stopped in front of a large oak tree, the bark and leaves dripping rainwater but allowing their umbrella slight reprieve from the onslaught of the rain. At their feet, lodged in the muddy ground, was a cemi circle of large stones that looked weathered with age. Was this the grave? It looked like it...

Saruhiko knelt on the ground, without a care for his pants that soaked through with mud and water. He made a move to put his hand on the other's shoulder, but the other's voice made him stop.

"Reisi...I need a minute to myself...can you wait for me back in the car?"

Reisi owned a silver Toyota, and drove on rare occasions when he was too tired from work to walk. Now he used it more often in Saruhiko's later stages of pregnancy and was glad he bought it in the first place. He nodded, allowing his Omega his privacy, and lifted the boy's plastic hood over his head before turning his back and trudging away. He told himself he wouldn't look behind him, no matter his curiosity and his concern it was not his right to look at such a private moment. The tree wasn't very far from the road, his silver car waiting patiently for him with the engine turned off.

Stepping onto the sidewalk he stared into the window of his car, the reflective glass mirroring back at him his weary face. He did not expect Saruhiko to take such a turn for the worst, and they just had their first 'fight', if it could even be called that. Reaching into his pocket to fetch the keys, a splash behind him made him turn around relflexively. Saruhiko stood there, looking almost relieved, and gave him a curt nod. It had been fast, almost ridiculously so, but he was in no place to judge.

They saddled back into the car and went back home in silence

* * *

Three in the morning Reisi was awoke by a gasping sob. Instantly he was aware of the way his mate trembled in his arms and his quickly hugged him tighter and pressed soothing kisses to the mop of soft black hair. Saruhiko occasionally had nightmares, of what he could only guess, and fell asleep rather quickly once Reisi calmed him down and then forgot what he had dreamt by morning.

"She said she loved me." Saruhiko gasped, tears in his voice. "Mariko said she loved me." Reisi just whispered sweet nothings into the boy's hair and gently squeezed his clammy hands. Saruhiko tipped back his head, teary sapphire eyes strangely filled with happiness tinged with sadness.

"The crack's healed now...everything will be alright from now on..."

* * *

Just came back from watching Godzilla...EVERYONE NEEDS TO WATCH THIS FUCKING MOVIE!


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